


I Hate Myself for Loving You

by earper_kru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Drugs, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earper_kru/pseuds/earper_kru
Summary: Clarke Griffin knew from a young age she wanted to be a singer. After years of playing small bar venues, her band Skaikru finally got their shot. Now with the band being one of the hottest bands in the world, the group thinks they're untouchable. When their record company splits their deal with the new group Praimfaya, tensions rise. Will the two bands be able to coexist or will both bands implode immediately? And what will happen when an unlikely relationship gets thrown into the mix. Find out in, I Hate Myself for Loving You!
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 73
Kudos: 104





	1. I Love Rock and Roll

_ “I saw him dancin' there by the record machine _

_ I knew he must a been about seventeen _

_ The beat was goin' strong _

_ Playin' my favorite song _

_ An' I could tell it wouldn't be long _

_ Till he was with me, yeah me _

_ An' I could tell it wouldn't be long _

_ Till he was with me, yeah me, singin' _

_ I love rock n' roll _

_ So put another dime in the jukebox, baby _

_ I love rock n' roll _

_ So come an' take your time an' dance with me” _

～Joan Jett and the Blackhearts～

From the age of 6, Clarke Griffin wanted to be a singer. If you ask her parents, they’d tell you she had been singing straight from the womb. She had started vocal lessons at age 7 and from there her skill had only gone up. In highschool, she and her friends Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake, Zoe Monroe, and Harper McIntyre got bored one weekend and decided to start a band.. It just so happened to work out perfectly that Octavia could play the drums, Raven played the keyboard/ had a knack for sound equipment, Monroe could play the bass, and Harper played a mean guitar. Clarke was the lead singer of the band and the creator of it. They called themselves Skaikru. It started out as somewhat of a joke, but soon they were playing small gigs in their small town of Arkadia. The band took a break when they all went to college, but halfway through their junior year, they came back together to make some money playing more small gigs. One night there was a charity gala for the university and a bunch of big wig producers and record companies would be in attendance. Raven suggested that they hijack the event to try and get a record deal. Most of the bandmates were against the idea because they feared being in trouble but Raven made a pretty convincing argument and they decided to go ahead with it. With a little help from Raven’s friends in engineering, the band hijacked the ceremony and performed a few of their original songs. After being escorted out by security, they were about to be arrested when the main benefactor for the university Marcus Kane stopped them. “How would you lovely ladies like a record deal and tour?” Kane said with a smirk.

The girls looked at each other wide eyed and nodded. Clarke stuck out her hand. “I’m Clarke Griffin and we're Skaikru. It’ll be a pleasure doing business with you.” She said shaking his hand. Just like that, the girls had gone from college wannabe rock stars to a world renowned band in a matter of months. It had taken Clarke’s mother a lot of convincing to let her go through with it but eventually her and her dad made a convincing argument and off they went. Clarke’s dad was the CEO of a musical supply company that provided all the equipment to some of the biggest names in the music industry. Clarke’s mother on the other hand owned her own private practice and was a doctor for famous people. Once everyone was on board, the girls set out to record their first album and eventually go on tour. Within a year, Skaikru became the hottest band in the world. The girls spent the majority of their time recording new music and touring. It was the perfect life that Clarke Griffin wanted. All the bandmates dealt with fame differently. Harper was the quietest of the group. She kept everyone grounded but knew how to rock. Monroe was a hardcore gal. The tough one so to speak. Octavia and Raven loved the party scene but knew when to quit. Clarke on the other hand, let the fame go to her head way too often for the rest of the band. It was her way or the highway and she let everyone know frequently. Clarke was quite the casanova as well. After their last tour, the band was currently on a hiatus but would be meeting with their record label to kickstart a new project.

If there was one thing about Clarke Griffin it was she was never one to be on time. She believed that keeping people on their toes was the most important thing to do if you wanted to have the upper hand. She knew she and the band had an early meeting with the record company that morning but that didn’t stop her and the band from staying out until 3 am the night before. Clarke had woken up in a stranger's bed that morning which was no surprise to any of her bandmates. She had a habit of waking up with strangers whether it be their place or hers. She did the walk of shame up to the penthouse and buzzed the doorbell. She had forgotten her keycard so she was desperately waiting for someone to answer the door as she stood in some random man's button down and her underwear. She was relieved when Raven answered the door and rushed in. “Clarke seriously? We have a meeting downstairs in 20 minutes. Make yourself presentable and brush your damn teeth. I can smell the booze from here!” Raven called after her with a laugh. Clarke got ready quickly by throwing on ripped skinny jeans and her favorite leather jacket and brushed her teeth. She fixed her hair slightly and went back out into the living room to where the whole band was sitting there waiting for her. “So Griffin finally decided to show up. Nice hickeys” Octavia said with a smirk. Clarke touched her neck with her hand and mentally cursed herself. “Fuck off, let’s go. We don’t want to keep his royal highness waiting.” Clarke said with a laugh as the band went down to the conference room to have a meeting with their record label.

When they finally entered the conference room, they were shocked to see a random group of girls and some burly looking men already sitting at the table. Clarke laughed “Kane, did we get the wrong time?” She said staring at the people she’d never seen before. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a piercing green pair staring at her. Her breath got caught in her throat as she stared at this drop dead gorgeous brunette who couldn’t take her eyes off of her. “Miss Griffin, did you hear what I just said?” Kane said sternly. Clarke shook out of it and looked at Kane. “No sorry, can you repeat that?” She said as her band sat down. Kane rolled his eyes and said “Like I said, this is the newest band on our label. They’re called Praimfaya and we will be negotiating a deal with you all today. Their lead singer is Anya Woods, followed by Lexa woods on the guitar, Echo Azgeda on the drums, Emori on bass and Ontari on the keys. We're planning on splitting the deal we have with you with them that way we can get the most out of our resources. This would mean that half your budget would become Praimfaya’s and anytime you go on tour, you’d be touring together. All album recordings would happen together. Of course your bands will both be their own entity, but we needed to share the resources a little better. Thank you for understanding.” Kane said with a sly smirk. 

Clarke slammed her hand on the table. “Kane, this is absolutely ridiculous! You’re a multi-million dollar company and you’re choosing to cut corners this way. It’s complete bullshit and you know it!’ Clarke spat angrily. Anya, the tallest girl who happened to be across from Raven smirked and pointed to an angry looking Lexa. “Would you look at that, little princess doesn’t wanna share her crown. Well bow down bitch. We’re staying, like it or not. You better get used to it. “ Lexa said with a smirk. Raven tried to hide her laughter. No one talked to Clarke Griffin that way and escaped unharmed. Anya winked at Raven and slid her number on a napkin to her. Raven quickly pocketed it and silently hoped no one saw. Clarke stood up and got in Kane’s face. “Break off this deal or I will walk out of here and never come back.” She said furiously. The rest of Skaikru looked at each other scared for what was about to happen. The rest of the band knew they were talented but Clarke’s vocals made the band work. Kane shook his head with a smirk. Clarke picked up her coffee and stormed out. Raven rolled her eyes “Classic Griff, getting us in deep shit all the time.” Raven said as Kane continued to outline the deal. Raven read it through and they all signed the deal. They all shook hands before parting ways. Raven and Octavia flipped a coin to see who was on Clarke duty. Raven won so Octavia set out to find where their hot headed, blonde, front women had gotten to. 


	2. Diva

“Since 15 in my stilettos, been struttin' in this game

"What's yo age?" was the question they ask when I hit the stage

I'm a diva, best believe her, you see how she gettin' paid?

She ain't callin' him to greet her, don't need him, her bed's made

This is a stick-up, stick-up (I need them bags, all that money)

We're gonna stick-up, stick-up (You see them ask, "Where that money?")

All my ladies get it up, I see you, I do the same

Take it to another level, no passengers on my plane

I'm a-a diva (Hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva (Hey)

I'm a, I'm a-a diva (Hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva

I'm a, I'm a-a diva (Hey), I'm a, I'm a a diva

I'm a, I'm a a diva (Hey), I'm a, I'm a a di-”

～Beyoncé～

Clarke went up to the penthouse and poured herself a drink before walking out onto the balcony and sitting down. She was furious. She had worked so hard for the band to get where they were and now this group of nobody’s was trying to steal their spotlight. She sat staring out at the city skyline and plotted ways to bring them down. Octavia figured that Clarke would be on the balcony. Clarke loved being outside when her emotions were running on high. Octavia walked out onto the balcony and shook her head. “Booze already? It’s 9 am, Clarke.” Octavia said sitting down across from her. Clarke shrugged and downed the rest of her drink. “It calms my nerves, you know that. What do you want?” Clarke said, not bothering to even look at Octavia. Octavia sighed. “You know, you're really getting on my nerves Griffin. If you had stayed and listened to the deal would have found out that it’s a pretty sweet gig. We’ve been offered a world tour and we’re performing at the Superbowl.” Octavia said grinning. Clarke’s jaw dropped. “That’s fantastic! What are the rules?” Clarke said smiling. “We just have to get to know Praimfaya and not get into any trouble. The NFL is clear about not wanting any scandals. Don’t fuck this up for us, Griff.” Octavia warned. Clarke nodded. “I may not like having to share with Praimfaya but I’ll play nice if it means performing halftime.” Octavia smiled “Good because I don’t want Kane to have to replace you. We’re meeting Praimfaya for lunch. You should apologize for being a dick earlier.” Octavia said walking out. Clarke took a nap before lunch. She freshened up and met her friends in the limo 

“Are you done trying to ruin our reputation, Griff?” Monroe said with a smirk, showing her the latest paparazzi shot of Clarke in her underwear and a strangers shirt. Clarke rolled her eyes “You know what they say. Any press is good press. Plus those underwear make my ass look dope.” She replied with a smirk. Raven shook her head “I don’t care what you do with your life Clarke, but you need to chill. Or at least be sneakier about it. We lost a tv appearance because they didn’t want to give their viewers the wrong message.” The limo rolled up to the restaurant and they were bombarded with paps. “What is this we heard about joining forces with the new band Praimfaya? Is it true that the band is splitting up!” Their security team pushed them through the crowd and into the private room without answering any of their questions. They sat down at the table and ordered drinks. A few moments later, the ladies of Praimfaya walked in to join them. Raven smiled “Hello ladies, welcome to the city's best restaurant.” They sat down and Anya smirked. “So her royal highness decided to join us. I thought I’d never see her again” Anya said, earning a chuckle from her bandmates and from Raven and Octavia. Clarke pursed her lips “I guess I owe you an apology, but first, If any of you ever call me out like that again, I will end you all. Oh and call me princess one more time and I’ll show you where my shoe fits.” Clarke said with a fake smile. “Some apology.” Emori whispered to Ontari with a smirk. To diffuse the palpable tension in the air Harper smiled and asked “So what brought you guys all the way from D.C?” Lexa smiled “ Kane saw us perform at our favorite bar and said that he’d be able to hook us up with a deal. It’s not the deal we imagined but honestly we’ll make it work” She said glaring at Clarke. Lexa had to admit, as much as this girl pissed her the fuck off, she was gorgeous. 

Anya began explaining their style of band and there were many different side conversations going on, though Clarke was hardly paying attention. Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off of Clarke. It was almost as if she were trying to see through her facade. Clarke made awkward eye contact with Lexa and looked confused as to why she was staring at her. “Got a problem Woods? Because if you do we can take this outside.” Clarke jeered. Lexa rolled her eyes “Me? I have no problem. The only problem here is you.” Anya glared at Lexa and Clarke ordered another drink. “Oh, I’m the problem? What did I ever do to you? You came in here and ruined everything I built.” Clarke said, earning a glare from the rest of her bandmates. Clarke always took the credit for everything even though it was a group effort. “We were offered this by YOUR manager. If you have a problem with it, take it out on him, not us.” Anya butted in. Anya turned to Raven and asked “Is she always an insufferable bitch? Or is this a new thing?” Clarke’s teeth gritted and she clenched her fists under the table as she stared down Anya. Anya laughed when Raven shook her head no but winked. Tensions rose and soon a full on argument between both bands broke out. Words were exchanged and at one point Emori threw a punch at Clarke but missed and hit Harper who was trying to hold Clarke back.. Bellamy Blake, head of Skaikru’s security squad stepped in and yelled “All of you, shut the fuck up! NOW!” as he slammed his fist on the table to shut them up. They stopped what they were doing and stared at him. “I’m sure you’re all aware of this, but there is a lot at stake for both of your groups. I suggest you figure your shit out, and quickly. If you don’t figure your shit out by the celebration party tonight, Kane is planning on dropping you both. Now you didn’t hear that from me.” He scowled and went back to his post. “I need some air.” Lexa said and she walked out of the restaurant. Anya called after her but it was too late. Raven glared at Clarke “See what you did Clarke? Way to fuck everything up. Maybe if you dealt with your problems instead of letting them eat you up inside you wouldn't be such a diva and an insufferable bitch! You can find your own way home. Let’s go. Harper let’s get Jackson to look at that eye.” She said and the rest of the band left Clarke alone. The rest of Praimfaya glared at Clarke as they left to find Lexa. 

Clarke waved to the waiter to bring her another drink. Clarke put her head in her hands and sighed. She really messed up this time. Clarke wasn’t always so hard to handle. Frankly, she used to be a real bubbly girl who loved doing what she loved. When the band started to take off, she had everything she wanted and was truly happy. Their career was soaring, her friends were happy and she had the most wonderful boyfriend Finn. She met Finn in a bar after one of the band's shows and they started hooking up. Little did Clarke know, Finn was just using her to get closer to Raven. Finn somehow managed to hook up with the both of them at the same time. When Clarke found this out, the band almost split. After many difficult conversations and a few good screaming matches with Raven, the pair sorted out their differences and let the past be the past. Or so the rest of the band thought. Clarke’s acting out and attitude shift occurred right after the Finn incident. Clarke wasn’t mad Raven. But after having lost the ability to trust and having her heart broken, she threw herself into the work. And after a few of her decisions helped the band get farther, she believed she was the reason for everything working out. But now sitting all alone, Clarke began to realize she was taking things too far. She didn’t really know why she was the way she was. Maybe it was the desperate need to prove herself to her mother. Her mother hadn’t exactly been too happy with her decision not to finish college. Tensions between them had always been there. Her dad tried to help her mom understand but it never fully worked. Whatever the reasons were, Clarke realized her behavior was detrimental to everyone. 

She called her driver to come pick her up and take her back to the hotel. Clarke drank a few drinks on the limo ride home. She hardly ever admitted she was wrong and she especially didn’t want to do it sober. Clarke rode the elevator up to the penthouse hoping to find the rest of her bandmates. Clarke was relieved to see them all sitting there. “We were waiting for you, we need to talk to you.” Raven said solemnly. Clarke nodded and sat down. “I wanted to say a few things too,” She said, biting her lip. Raven raised an eyebrow. “Us first. Clarke, we all allowed you to deal with your shit in your own way but now that it’s affecting all of us and it needs to stop. You aren’t the only person in this band and we all have a say too. We understand you’re hurting but stop taking it out on everyone else. Each of us brings a unique thing to our group and we’re all important. With that being said, we think you should take a break for a while. At least until you figure out how to deal with your shit.” Raven said with a sad smile. The rest of the band nodded and Harper spoke up next. “We’re worried about you Clarke and we just don’t want you to do something you regret. Remember, we were your best friends first. We just want what’s best for you.” Clarke looked at the floor and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Clarke took in their words for a second. Her booze addled brain took a minute to formulate a response. “I know my actions the past month haven’t been ideal. I realize how I nearly fucked everything up today and I’ll make it up to you tonight at the party. I may not like the situation but I will be better. I’ll finally start going to therapy again. Please don’t make me take a break, this is all I’ve ever wanted to do. Give me another chance. I promise I’ll be better” Clarke said teary eyed. Raven and Octavia shared a look and sighed. “I think you should sleep off the booze and talk to us tomorrow when you're sober.” Raven said with a sigh. Clarke nodded and headed to her room. She flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling.  _ How am I going to fix this? I really messed this up. God damn it, you’re a fucking idiot,  _ Clarke thought mentally kicking herself. She needed to come up with a way to make it up to her friends. She thought about possible ways she could make it up to them as she drifted off to sleep. Who knew what the future would hold, but as of now, it didn’t look pretty.


	3. Dirty Little Secret

“Who has to know

The way she feels inside (inside)

Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)

These sleeping thoughts won't lie (won't lie)

And all I've tried to hide

It's eating me apart

Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret

(Dirty little secret)

Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret

(Just another regret)”

～All American Rejects～

Clarke woke up a few hours later with a splitting headache and many regrets. She looked at her phone for the time and decided to get ready for the gala and after party. She hopped in the shower and let the steam clear her head. After her shower she put her hair up in a towel to dry and put on her outfit for the night. Her stylist picked out a white blouse, tight black dress pants and leather jacket with red boots. She looked in the mirror and sighed as she did her makeup. She walked out into the living room when she was done to allow her hair to dry more before fixing it. Clarke sat down on her bed and pulled out her notebook. Sometimes when she was in a weird mood or when she felt particularly She found Raven and Monroe playing video games. They were already ready for the party and were blowing off some steam. “Haha take that bitch!” Raven said laughing as she won the game. Monroe laughed and high fived her. Clarke sat down and watched them. Raven smiled slightly. “How are you feeling?” She said turning the game off. Clarke smiled slightly. “Much better. I really am sorry about everything. I really lost myself.” Clarke admitted with a sigh. Raven nodded “It’s okay Clarke, it happens to the best of us. Just promise that you’ll reach out to use when you feel like spiraling. We want to help.” Raven said and Monroe nodded. “Want to play a round with us while your hair dries? Raven will gladly beat your ass” Monroe asked with a smirk. Clarke laughed “Oh you both wish. I’m gonna smoke both of you” She said, picking up a controller. The three of them played a few rounds and Clarke went to fix her hair. When she was done, she donned her favorite fedora and sunglasses and went to meet her friends in the lobby. Kane requested that they all wear sunglasses in order to hide Harper's black eye. 

When she reached the lobby, she smiled at the rest of her bandmates. “Here’s to a new beginning. I promise I’ll work on my anger and trust issues and to include you all in my plans. After all, we are Skaikru. One kru, One band.” She said with a smile. The rest of her bandmates nodded and walked out the backdoor of the hotel to avoid paparazzi. The band shared a toast to their new beginning and were in a much better place than they were earlier that morning. It would take some time to really work their stuff out but for now Skaikru was more united than ever. The real issue was Praimfaya. Clarke really threw a hatchet into their new deal. With half of Praimfaya refusing to talk to Clarke and the other half siding with them it would be increasingly difficult to make it up to them. Truthfully, Clarke hated Lexa and Anya for how they treated her. Sure, Clarke made a big mistake and was rude as hell but they had no idea where Clarke was coming from. If only Clarke could make Anya and Lexa understand where she was coming from everything might end up working out. Right then and there, Clarke decided she would spend the night trying to make things right. When the limo pulled up in front of the gala, Clarke stepped out first and smiled as the photographers took the band’s photo as they all walked in. Reporters tried to ask questions but they just kept walking. Once inside the ballroom, the band found their seats at the head table. A while later, the Praimfaya girls entered and Clarke was immediately drawn to Lexa. She looked stunning in the most stylish suit that Clarke had ever seen and her hair flowed freely down her back. She was breathtaking. Clarke shook her head as angry thoughts flooded her memory from the altercation that transpired earlier that day. Clarke was determined to make peace.

Praimfaya took their seats at the other end of the table and Lexa shot a dirty look over at Skaikru. The gala started shortly after with Kane thanking everyone for being there to celebrate the news. He went on to explain the newest projects that the bands would be doing and to congratulate them both. During dinner, Clarke overheard some of the guests talking about her bad behavior and rumors about her. Clarke sighed realizing all of this talk could have been avoided if she had gotten her head out of her ass sooner. She could feel a pair of eyes on her and she turned to see who it was. It was not at all a surprise to see Lexa staring at her. Clarke rolled her eyes and finished her food. “I need some air.” Clarke told Raven as she left to go outside for a minute. She was shocked to find John Murphy, one of her security guards, making out with Emori from Praimfaya in the back alley where she happened to go get some air. She waved awkwardly as she walked by. They stopped for a moment and Clarke chuckled “Don’t worry I won’t say anything, your secret’s safe with me.” She said as she walked over to the bench and took a seat. Clarke sat outside for a while and contemplated. She knew she’d be missing the speeches but honestly she didn’t care. She was about to head back inside when she physically ran into Lexa and knocked her on her ass with a thud. “What the fuck, Griffin?! Watch what you're doing!” She said angrily. Clarke rolled her eyes “It was an accident, god. I’m sorry!” She said, helping her stand up. Lexa glared “Are you always this clumsy and insufferable? We never got a chance to get the answer to that question when you started name calling earlier today.” Lexa said in disgust. Clarke looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just...oh never mind why do you care.” Clarke said, tearing up slightly.

Lexa chuckled cooly “You’re right, I don’t care. Why the fuck are you crying? Does little miss “I’’m perfect” feel bad for calling me a cunt or how about when she was an insufferable bitch and took out her issues on the new group rather than her boss WHOSE FAULT IT IS BTW.” Lexa said angrily. Clarke’s eyes narrowed “I said I was fucking sorry! You don’t understand where I’m coming from. You don’t know what I’ve been through. Fuck you, Lexa. I made a huge mistake, I get that. But you don’t know what it’s like being betrayed by the person you loved!” Clarke screamed, fighting back tears. Lexa’s face softened. Lexa did know, very well in fact, what it was like being betrayed by the only person she’d ever truly loved. Lexa’s heart pounded in her chest. She looked deeply into Clarke’s sad eyes before embracing her and kissing her passionately. Clarke kissed back for a minute before pulling away abruptly. “I can’t do this.” Clarke said as she ran away from the hotel swiftly. Lexa stood dumbfounded and called after her. It was no use, Clarke was gone. Lexa gathered her thoughts and walked back inside. The rest of the gala went by and Clarke never came back. The two bands would be riding together in the limo to the after party and Lexa told Anya what had happened. Anya looked at her confused and shook her head. Anya went over to Raven and whispered in her ear. 

Raven nodded and was about to tell their driver to go back to their hotel when Kane butted in. “Alright, look alive girls! The NFL chairs will be at the after party. Be on your best behavior!” Kane said with a sly smile as he looked. “Where the fuck is Clarke? You know what, fuck her, we don’t have time to deal with this shit. Go to the party” Kane yelled at the driver. Raven tried to object but Kane shut her down immediately. They went to the after party and Raven frantically texted Clarke to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid. Harper suggested that she pretended to be super trashed so Kane had no choice but to let them leave in order to not make a scene. Luckily for them, Harper was somewhat of a lightweight and after two shots, Harper pretended she could barely stand up. Raven and Octavia pretended to help her stand. “Kane, we hate to do this, but Harper needs to go. She can barely stand on her own. You don’t want her to puke all over do you?” Octavia said and Harper threw in a fake gag for good measure. Kane looked at them with disgust and shooed them away. Once into the hallway, Harper stood up with a smirk. “I should have been an actress!” Harper exclaimed high fiving Octavia and Monroe. Raven chuckled “Let’s get out of here.” Raven said, calling the driver to pick them up. The four girls headed off to find where Clarke got too. They found Clarke sitting in the park staring out into the darkness. Raven approached her slowly “Hey Clarke, how’s it going?” Octavia said cautiously. Clarke shook her head. “Guys, Lexa kissed me. And I didn’t hate it. In fact, I want to do it again. But you know the rule...no dating other employees. If Kane found out, we’d be done for.” Clarke said with a panicked expression. It was time to face the facts. Clarke was falling madly in love with the fiery guitar player from Praimfaya.


	4. Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration for Lexa's solo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpJiYuFLetQ

“Your mouth, so hot

Your web, I'm caught

Your skin, so wet

Black lace, on sweat

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (and pins)

I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin (deep in)

I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

You're poison, running through my veins

You're poison

I don't want to break these chains

Poison

One look, could kill

My pain, your thrill”

～Alice Cooper～

Clarke was freaking out. She looked at her friends to see their reaction, thinking they’d be pissed because all she’d done in the past few days was cause drama. Raven and Octavia looked at each other and busted out laughing. Clarke looked confused. “What’s so funny?” Clarke asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Raven shook her head. “You’re something else, Griffin. You know that? Anya and I have been hooking up since the day we were introduced, we're just smart about it. No one knew except Octavia. She caught us once.” Raven said laughing. Clarke looked surprised. “Clarke, Kane doesn’t give a fuck what we do unless it ruins our imagine. So, do whatever the fuck you want just don’t get caught by the paps.” Octavia said reaching out her hand to help Clarke off the bench. “Let’s go hang out at the hotel. I think we could all use a good jam sesh to relax a little.” Harper suggested. “Maybe we could invite Praimfaya?” Monroe asked, smirking.Clarke nodded and they walked over to the limo. When they got back to the hotel, they went into their rehearsal room. Raven texted Anya to tell the band to come jam with them. “What do you guys wanna play?” Octavia said sitting down at the drum set. Monroe smirked “Wanna just play some covers?” Monroe asked. The rest agreed and picked up their instruments. Clarke walked over to the mic and started singing. They were well into their third or fourth song when Praimfaya arrived. Lexa was blown away. She had never heard someone sing so effortlessly. Lexa tried to remain expressionless but it was too difficult not to smile. She was so confused and angry with Clarke but the girl was getting under her skin. Clarke noticed and smirked slightly. The song ended and Raven smiled. “Yo, guys! Come on in. We’re vibing” Raven said from her seat at the keyboard. Anya smirked and sat down on the couch. The rest of the band trickled in and took a seat. “Anyone want a drink?” Monroe asked, walking over to the bar and mini fridge. Anya raised her hand “Throw me a beer if you’ve got one” She said smiling at Clarke. “You’ve got killer vocals, my dude. Did you take lessons?” Anya asked as Monroe threw her a beer.

Clarke smiled awkwardly “About 9 years worth, classically and non-classically trained.” She said with a nod. The bands mingled for a while and Raven suggested Praimfaya show them some of their stuff. The band obliged and took their positions. Emori beamed “Monroe, this is a sick ass guitar? Is it custom designed?” She asked, grinning. Monroe smiled “Harper’s boyfriend Monty is a custom guitar and bass designer. I can hook you up with his contact info if you’d like one?” She said and Emori nodded. Lexa picked up Harper’s guitar and threw the strap over her shoulder and shrugged. “I like mine better. Let’s see what it can do. Alright, let's do Poison starting with the guitar solo.” Lexa said with a smirk and Anya rolled her eyes. Lexa counted herself in and began her solo. Clarke looked in awe as Lexa shredded her solo. Raven elbowed Clarke and whispered “I bet you’d love to see what else those fingers can do?” Clarke nearly choked on her beer and turned beet red, elbowing Raven right back. “Your girlfriend can sing.” Clarke retorted. “She’s not my-” Raven blushed and quickly shut up. When the song was over, Skaikru whooped and hollered. “We absolutely have to collab! We’d be so kick ass!” Harper said. Clarke nodded “I could write us a song. Who does your writing?” Clarke asked, smiling. Lexa shrugged and raised her hand. “I feel like we might be able to get along enough to write a song. Just as long as you’re not a fucking bitch.” Lexa said, crossing her arms. Clarke narrowed her eyes. This whole thing was ridiculously complicated and Clarke was internally screaming. She knew she messed up and she was far from perfect but Lexa flipped her emotions on a dime and it was beginning to piss Clarke off. “I’m sure we can manage,” Clarke said through gritted teeth. “I’ll be back.” She said as she got up and left the room.

She walked into the living room and poured herself a glass of whiskey. _ What the fuck is Lexa’s problem,  _ Clarke thought as she sipped her whiskey. She took out her notebook and began to write lyrics that popped into her head. She was startled by someone clearing their throat. She turned around to see Lexa standing there. “We need to have a chat, Griffin.” Lexa said. Clarke pointed to the stool next to her. “Sit. Enlighten, me. What could you possibly want?” Clarke said, scratching out a line of lyrics she just wrote. Lexa sat down. “What’s your fucking problem? Like why do you constantly have a stick up your ass?” Lexa said, pouring herself a glass of whiskey. Clarke laughed cooly. “I could ask you the same question. One minute you’re kissing me and the next minute you’re a fucking asshole in front of my friends.” Clarke said shutting her notebook and taking a hard look at Lexa. Lexa narrowed her eyes. “You think you’re hot shit, Griffin. Nobody’s ever told you no before now and you can’t handle it. You always gotta be a little miss perfect. Well, newsflash, it’s not all about you. This is all bigger than you, much bigger. And if you don’t figure your shit out, you’ll ruin it for everyone.” Lexa spat. 

Clarke glared at her. “Oh, you think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you? You don’t know the half of it! If you knew the things I’ve done, you’d hate me. So why don’t you fuck off and make googly eyes at someone else.” Clarke said angrily. Lexa looked flustered. “I don’t know what you're talking about…” Clarke laughed. “Oh come on I’ve seen the way you look at me. Get over me, you can never have me. Go eye fuck one of my other bandmates like your cunt of a cousin.” Clarke said angrily. Lexa clenched her fist and got up in Clarke’s face. “Fuck you” Lexa said scarily calm as she pushed Clarke forcibly against the wall, her arm pressing on Clarkes throat. Clarke glared, their faces now inches apart. They glared at each other for a moment before their lips crashed together in a heated fury. Lexa grabbed a fistful of Clarke’s hair and roughly pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. Clarke bit back a moan. “God. I fucking hate you.” Clarke said breathlessly as Lexa kissed her neck, leaving a rather large hickey. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and dragged her to her bedroom. Lexa ripped Clarke’s clothes off and pushed her roughly onto the bed while removing her own. “Fuck you, Clarke. How dare you?!.” Lexa said pinning Clarke’s hands above her head and leaving a trail of rough kisses down Clarke’s body. Lexa let a moan slip when Clarke slapped her ass aggressively. “Yes, fuck me…” Clarke moaned, pulling their body’s closer together. Clarke slid her leg in between the brunettes. “ _ Clarke… _ ” Lexa growled as she rolled her hips against Clarkes. They moved together in a hate fueled passion. Pleasure consumed them both quickly. Breathing heavily, Lexa flopped back onto the bed next to Clarke. They laid there collecting themselves for a few moments before anyone spoke. 

“That has to be the best sex I’ve ever had. And trust me, I’ve had a lot of sex. But this shouldn’t have happened. You should go.”” Clarke said after a few moments of silence. Lexa sighed and got up to put her clothes on. “I mean, yes it definitely shouldn't have happened but like that doesn't mean it can’t. You just said it was really good.” Lexa pointed out. Clarke rolled her eyes. “I was upset and vulnerable and you just so happened to be around. This changes nothing about how I feel about you. I still hate you.” Clarke said. Lexa sighed “I can’t deny it, as much as I can’t stand you most of the time, I have feelings for you and I don’t think they're going away anytime soon. I wish you’d open up and we could work through this together. I’m sure you’re not as bad as you present yourself to be.” Lexa said, heading for the door. Clarke watched her walk away. After Lexa left, Clarke sighed heavily. She was in deep and this just confirmed everything she previously thought was wrong.  _ What am I going to do? _ , Clarke thought as she drifted off to sleep. 


	5. Dark Truths

“I've told some dark truths

And I can't keep on lying

'Cause one day I'll find

I'm not your hero

It's so nice

That someone thinks you're special

Treat them right

That trust in you is precious

All the same

We make mistakes

I've used up a few lives

Now I'm afraid of dying

'Cause one day I'll find

You're not forgiving”

～Joan Armatrading～

In the weeks following that night, Lexa and Clarke continued hooking up every chance they got. Soon the hatred that they once felt for each other, morphed into a passionate love. Yet they told no one. With everything finally working out between the bands, they didn’t want anything to ruin it. Especially because Kane caught Raven and Anya together and threatened to fire them. It didn’t stop either couples of course but they had to be much more careful. One night, the band’s were together to write new music for their tour and the pair excused themselves to “write the lyrics” in the other room. It was really interesting how no one heard their love making. That night, Lexa and Clarke accidentally fell asleep together. The next morning a knock startled them awake. Clarke looked at Lexa with panicked eyes and threw her clothes at her. She pointed to the closet and Lexa ran in and closed the door, dropping her underwear in the process. 

“Clarke?” Harper said, knocking again. Clarke quickly threw on her clothes, not seeing Lexa's forgotten underwear. “Come in!” Clarke shouted back. Harper smiled “Oh good. You disappeared last night and we were worried. I’m glad you're okay!” Harper said with a smile. Clarke nodded “Yeah I’m fine, thanks for checking though. What time is our interview?” Clarke asked as she got out of bed. “3 o’clock. We’re going to lunch with Praimfaya if you want to join us?” Harper asked. Clarke nodded and responded “I’ll be out in a few minutes.” Harper noticed the underwear and raised her eyebrow. Clarke looked over and bit her lip. “Oh those are my new ones. Do you like them?” Clarke said with a sheepish smile. Harper shrugged “I wouldn't have pegged you for a black lace type of girl but not bad. Be ready in 10 or we’re leaving without you.” Harper said as she left. Clarke sighed in relief and Lexa came out of the closet. Lexa chuckled “I never thought I’d be back in the closet after coming out.” Clarke shook her head and laughed. “Get dressed and meet us downstairs, I don’t want anyone to suspect anything.” Clarke said as she got dressed and brushed her teeth. Clarke put on her jacket and walked out into the living room. Shortly after, Clarke texted Lexa that she was free to go back to her room.

“Afternoon, sleeping beauty” Raven said with a smile. Clarke laughed “Afternoon to you too. Where are we headed for lunch? I’m starving.” Clarke said as she walked up to them in the lobby. Emori smiled. “We’re headed to Lexa’s favorite restaurant. By the way, did any of you see Lexa. We haven’t seen her since last night?” Emori said, checking her phone again to see if Lexa texted. The Skaikru girls looked at each other and then at Clarke. Clarke shook her head “After writing lyrics for a while we got into a bit of a tiff and decided to call it a night. I haven’t seen her since.” Clarke said with a shrug. Lexa came out of the elevator as if it was on cue. “I’m right here. I woke up early, went for a run and ran some errands. Let’s go.” Lexa said as she walked out to the limo. The rest of the bands followed and got into the limo. 

“How far did you get with the new lyrics?” Harper asked. Lexa and Clarke shared a look before Lexa spoke up. “We finished a verse and the chorus but we couldn’t agree on the bridge so we called it a night.” Lexa said as Clarke tried not to laugh. Clarke covered it up with a few fake coughs. “You alright there, Clarke? You’re not getting sick are you?” Raven asked, raising an eyebrow, clearly noticing her cover up. Clarke gave Raven a kick in the shin to shut her up. “Nah, just choked on my own spit.” Clarke said, taking a sip of her water. They arrived at the restaurant to a sea of paparazzi. 

Harper groaned “It’s like they’re secretly tipped off every-time we go somewhere! Can’t we eat lunch in peace!” Harper exclaimed as they all filed out of the limo. Their bodyguards helped them push through the crowd and into the restaurant. The bands gathered around the table and sat down. After ordering their food and drinks, they began discussing the upcoming interview. 

Clarke was nervous about this interview. It was their first one since their tour, since Finn, and since joining forces with Praimfaya. She was nervous it would cause tensions to rise again. The end of their last tour was a messy one and it took months for PR to finally clear up the situation. Even if the truth was buried deep in a large pile of lies, it was bound to come out eventually and Clarke wasn’t ready for the two bands or the world to finally find out just exactly happened to Finn. She ignored her thoughts and focused on the conversation at hand. 

“It’s really important that we keep the conversation with the interviewer on topic. We need to comment only on the new tour, the Superbowl, and our coming together. If anyone asks anything about the past, or anything about our personal lives try to deflect.” Raven said as she took a sip of her water. Everyone seemed to be on the same page but the girls of Praimfaya were genuinely interested in what actually happened at the end of Skaikru’s last tour. “What happened after the last tour, if you don’t mind us asking. We just want to make sure we don’t mess anything up?” Anya asked. Clarke glared at Raven and Raven sighed.

“We signed an agreement not to ever speak of it again so we can’t really tell you. But I can tell you that it was horrible and it still hurts. But we’ve moved on and so that’s why we won’t talk about it. Sorry” Raven said rather uncomfortably. Clarke swallowed back tears that were threatening to spill. She cleared her throat and downed her glass of whiskey before pouring herself another one. “Woah, chill Griff. You can’t be drunk for this interview. You remember what happened last time.” Raven said angrily. 

“I just need something to take the edge off, you know I hate interviews.” Clarke said downing the second glass of whiskey. Raven sighed and shook her head. Lexa looked over at Clarke concerned. The air shifted significantly and the Praimfaya girls could tell something really messed up must have happened. Sensing the awkwardness, Echo changed the subject to their new tour. They talked for a while more about the expectations for the interview before paying for lunch and heading back out to the limo. When they reached the studio, Clarke felt like she was going to pass out. She really didn’t like interviews. They were being interviewed by Nia Queen, one of the most ruthless interviewers in the city. They each took their seats and waited for the interview to start. 

“Hello and Welcome to Let’s Talk Ice. Today I have the bands Praimfaya and Skaikru here to talk about their upcoming projects as well as them joining forces! So ladies, what’s the scoop?” Nia asked with a sly smile. Raven was the first to speak. She talked about how excited they were to finally be going back on tour and how excited they were about joining Praimfaya. The interview was going surprisingly well until it was time for Nia to read fan submitted questions. The fans were always so curious about their private lives and the bands were struggling to keep the interview on track. 

“So Clarke, a source tells me that Finn Collins’ death wasn’t necessarily an accident? Can you elaborate on that.” Nia read off of her iPad. Clarke’s heart stopped. The only people who actually knew what happened that night were Kane, Niylah and herself. Raven looked at her confused and panic washed over her. Clarke wiped her sweaty hands on her pants and picked up the microphone. “I don’t know who your source is but they’re mistaken. What happened with Finn was a terribly tragic accident. But we’re not here to talk about the past, let’s focus on today.” Clarke said anxiously. It was clear to everyone in the room that something was up but no one questioned it further.

“So, do any of you have new significant others we should know about?” Nia said to change the subject. Raven and Anya shared a look and shook their heads. “I mean everyone knows about me and Monty. Shout out to my wonderful boyfriend. I love ya babe!” Harper said with a grin. Lexa spoke next. “I just met this really beautiful girl but honestly she’s kind of a big ass sometimes and I’m pretty sure she’s a compulsive liar so that might be a deal breaker for me. I hope that one day I can introduce you to her, but honestly we might not make it that far.” Lexa said angrily, throwing a side eye at Clarke. The rest of the bands looked at Lexa wide eyed. It was all becoming too much for Clarke. She gripped the edge of her chair to keep from panicking. From off screen, Kane motioned for Nia to end the interview. When the camera stopped rolling all hell broke loose.

“What the fuck was that about Lexa?!” 

“Clarke, what the hell were they talking about? What happened with Finn?!”

“We are so fucking screwed! How could you both?!”

The bands stood there and screamed at each other for a while. Clarke sat in the corner trying to control her breathing. She felt like the room was closing in on her. The yelling became louder, almost like a ringing in her ears. She opened her eyes and stood up. “I KILLED FINN! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW!” Clarke yelled, breathing heavily. The yelling stopped and everyone looked at her in disbelief. The room was eerily quiet now. No one dared to speak. Raven walked over to her. 

“Please tell me that’s not true. Please tell me. Tell the fucking truth!” Raven said, tears filling her eyes. Kane grabbed Clarke's arm. “You say anything and you’re fired.” Kane said angrily. Clarke shook her head. “I’m done playing your games Kane. You guys want the truth, here's the truth. A few weeks after Finn and I broke up and Raven wasn’t speaking to me, I was hooking up with this drugged up chick Niylah, drunk off my ass when Finn showed up. Niylah excused herself to use the bathroom and Finn tried to hook up with me. I told him he should do a few lines to relax first. Well whatever this chick laced with the drugs with was something more than Finn had done before. He started seizing and I panicked. I screamed for Niylah to come back as I called 911. She started panicking and told me to grab all my things. She didn’t want to get arrested. She fled but I waited outside the hotel to make sure that he was okay. When they took him out in a body bag, I panicked and immediately called Kane. He made me promise never to tell anyone or he would drop us and he created the story that Finn died in a car accident to save his own ass. I should have been honest with you. I am so sorry.” Clarke said sobbing. 

Everyone looked at Kane in disbelief. Kane tried to flee but Bellamy, Murphy and Gustus stopped him from going anywhere. Clarke ran out of the studio without looking back. She couldn’t face the people she cared the most about with them now knowing how horrible she was. They tried to follow her but she was too quick for them. Anya called the police to come and get Kane. It turned out that Kane tampered with evidence and would be sentenced to 20 years in prison for the events of Finn’s death. With the bands not having a manager, Clarke being MIA, and the impending media shitstorm, the fate of their future hung in the balance. 


	6. Piece of My Heart

“You're out on the streets looking good

And baby, deep down in your heart, I guess you know that it ain't right

Never, never, never, never, never, never hear me when I cry at night

Babe, and I cry all the time

But each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain

But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again

I said come on, come on, come on, come on and take it

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby

Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah

Have another little piece of my heart now, baby

Well, you know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good”

～Janis Joplin～

Days had passed since the interview and things were still in turmoil. The media tore the bands apart. Between wild rumors about this mystery girl Lexa was in love with and the rumors about Finn’s death, the band's future was not looking good. Jake Griffin had been called in to take over Kane’s entire business practices and was currently in the process of rebranding the entire company. The band's PR team was fiercely trying to control the media shitstorm but it was becoming increasingly harder with Clarke being MIA. A couple of tabloids posted photos of a woman who looked like Clarke coming and going from different bars all over the city. Each time, their security was following the leads, but they came up empty. 

Lexa was receiving death threats for her comments and their security team decided that it was best if she laid low for a while. Raven had been upset after the interview but over the past view days realized it wasn’t really Clarke’s fault. She was hell bent on finding Clarke. Despite being told not to leave the penthouse, Raven donned a disguise and went across the hall to Praimfayas penthouse. Raven knocked on the door impatiently. She was surprised to see Echo answer the door. 

“Raven what the hell are you doing here! Get in quick!” Echo said pulling Raven in and making sure no one saw her. Raven took off her hood and sunglasses and smiled sadly. “I need to talk to Lexa. And I needed to get out. I have to go find Clarke.” Raven said, folding her arms. 

“Raven, you know what Jake said. We have to leave it up to our security. C’mon have a drink with me for a while before Jake finds out you were here.” Echo said with a smirk. Raven shrugged, she never could pass up a drink. Echo poured each of them a drink and they sat down on the couch. They chatted and drank for a few minutes before a very tired looking Anya emerged from her bedroom wearing all black and sunglasses. “I heard you’re going to look for Clarke. I’m coming with you.” Anya said, grabbing the drink from Echo’s hand and downing it. Echo looked at her surprised. “And so she emerges. It's been a while. How’s Lexa?” Echo asked with a sad smile. Anya shrugged.

“She stopped throwing things. I think she finally tired herself out enough for me not to worry about her murdering someone. That’s why we gotta go find Clarke fast. Let’s go Raven!” Anya said with a smirk. Raven smiled and got up. Anya slapped her ass on their way out. Raven winked. “As soon as we figure this shit out, you can have dat ass. Right now, focus!” Raven said as they snuck out the back of the hotel into the car. Their driver headed for the last known location where Clarke was. They talked to the bar tender but he said she left earlier that morning. They searched all afternoon. They were about to head back to the hotel when Raven's phone rang.

“Hi, is this Raven Reyes? I’m calling for Clarke Griffin. You’re listed as her emergency contact. She’s currently passed out in a booth of my bar.” The man said. Raven sighed and jotted down where the bar was and told the driver to head there.

“Did you find her?” Anya asked with a yawn. Raven nodded. When they reached the bar, a slew of paparazzi were waiting outside. Raven cursed loudly and threw on her hood and sunglasses. “Well fuck. This should be good.” Anya said, putting her hood up as well. They both got out of the car and ran into the building. Raven sighed when she saw Clarke passed out in the booth. “Thanks for calling me. We’ll take it from here.” Raven thanked the bartender and they walked over to Clarke. Raven grabbed the glass of water off the table and threw it at Clarke.

“Wake the fuck up!” Raven said, but Clarke didn’t move. Raven rolled her eyes and motioned for Anya to help life Clarke up. Raven draped Clarke’s arm over her shoulder and Anya did the same. They helped Clarke u and tried to walk. Clarke was basically a wet noodle. Raven sighed.

“Give us a little to work with Griffin!” Raven said slapping Clarke’s cheeks relatively hard. Clarke awaken slightly and they walked out of the bar holding Clarke up. Anya tried to shield Clarke from the paparazzi but they were too persistent. They got a beautiful shot of Clarke vomiting on her shoes. Raven shoved Clarke into the car and turned around to flip off the paparazzi. 

“Can’t you people see she’s hurting?! Will you give us a break!” Raven yelled as she got into the car. “Drive fast!” Raven said to the driver as he pulled away. Raven tried to get Clarke to drink water but she was too out of it. When they got back to the hotel they carried Clarke into the penthouse and straight for the shower. Anya took her shoes off and threw them in the trash. The cold water woke Clarke up slightly and she gasped at how cold it was. Raven grabbed a robe for Clarke when she was done. Clarke turned off the shower and tried to remove her wet clothes. She got caught in her shirt and Anya had to help her pull it off. 

“Wow you look like shit, Griff.” Raven said, staring at her friend and wrapping her in a towel. Clarke buried her face in her hands.

“I feel like it. How are you even talking to me right now? You should hate me.” She said just barely above a whisper. Raven sighed and sat on the floor beside Clarke. 

“I don’t hate you, Clarke. I was upset at first but I realized that it really wasn’t your fault. We were all really worried about you. How come you always run? We could have helped you through this!” Raven said, slightly frustrated. Anya excused herself and decided to go. Clarke looked away.

“I didn’t want to see how disappointed you all would be in me after what I did. I realize now it did more harm than good. Especially now that everything we worked so hard for is ruined.” Clarke said putting the robe on. Raven hugged her tight. Clarke was startled at first but relaxed and hugged her back. 

“Clarke, let us help each other through this. And despite everything your dad has managed to keep our tour secured. He’s still waiting to hear back from the NFL but we won’t know until they decide.” Raven said with a smile. Clarke looked at her surprised and confused. “My dad? What does he have anything to do with Kane.” Clarke asked. 

“You dad was given all of Kane’s businesses because he was the number one benefactor and the board decided that he was the best one to take over. He’s changed the whole brand. Say hello to Ark Records owned and operated by Jake Griffin.” Raven said in an announcer voice. Clarke laughed and looked at her surprised.

“I can’t believe we’re finally free of Kane and his awfulness. I can’t believe I let him take advantage of us all. Is everyone okay? I hope I didn’t cause too much tension.” Clarke said, biting her lip. Raven chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Well...Lexa has been pretty angry that they wouldn’t let her go look for you. She broke a few things. Anya has been exhausted keeping her from murdering someone. The media has been ripping us apart. The rumors are quite comical actually but some of them are wild. The fans are outraged about so many things it’s a bit much. Harper took it pretty hard not going to lie but all things considered were doing alright.” Raven explained. Clarke felt immediately guilty. She sighed and threw her hair into a bun. 

“I can’t believe I let this happen. I shouldn’t have ran. I messed up so bad. I need to talk to everyone. Can you gather everyone in the living room. I need to talk to Lexa first.” She said standing up. She stumbled a little, reminding her that she was still very drunk. “Maybe I should talk to Lexa and take a nap before talking to everyone.” Clarke said with a sheepish smile. Raven chuckled.

“You gotta stop using alcohol to solve your problems. You’re poor liver. Also, there’s going to be a really awful photo of you in the press later today or tomorrow. Just so you know what we tried but failed. The paps were brutal.” Raven notes and Clarke sighed. 

“I totally deserved that.” She said as she walked out of the bathroom and over to Lexas bedroom. She knocked and was startled when Lexa yelled at her to go away. Clarke opened the door and walked in. “Lexa...it’s me. I’m so sorry” Clarke said sitting down next to where Lexa laid in bed. Lexa sat up quickly and looked at her. Lexa pulled her into a tight hug.

“Where the fuck did you go?! We couldn’t find you and I nearly killed Bellamy when he wouldn’t let me go find you!” Lexa said angrily as she squeezed Clarke tight. Clarke hugged back tightly. 

“I-I didn’t think anyone would want me to be around once they found out how horrible I am.” Clarke said, tearing up slightly. “I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble,” Clarke said sniffling.

Lexa glared at her. “Everything that happened to you, with you, was not your fault. Finn was a troubled individual and so was Kane. None of this is your fault! You don’t have to run away, we want to be here for you! Is all of this why you were so guarded?” Lexa asked sincerely. Clarke took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m so sorry I treated you so horribly. You didn’t deserve it. You deserve the world Lexa, and I can’t give you that. Don’t waste your time on me.” Clarke said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Lexa shook her head. “Clarke, I was wrong too. I misjudged you and I was so wrong. You are my world. And my stars. I literally can’t stop thinking about you. I finished the song while you were gone. I hope you don’t mind, I finished all of the songs we started. I needed something to distract me from how angry I was at myself, and at everyone really. I owe people many apologies.” Lexa said with a sigh. Clarke smiled slightly.

“I also owe many people apologies. Also I can’t believe you finished everything, you’re incredible.” Clarke bit her lip. “Maybe we should try and start this relationship from the beginning. Take it slow, maybe be a little more open about it. We can start it with our apology tour.” Clarke suggested. Lexa smiled and held Clarke’s hand.

“I think that is an excellent idea. But I think we both could use a nap first.” She said, placing a kiss on Clarke’s head. Clarke nodded and Lexa laid down. Clarke smiled and laid down, laying her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “Have a nice nap, Clarke,” Lexa said, closing her eyes. Clarke smiled. “You too,” Clarke said with a yawn before falling asleep. A few hours went by before either of them awoke again. When Lexa woke up she smiled at how cute Clarke looked while she slept. She’d never admit to being such a softie, but deep down Lexa was. She went out to the living room to see the rest of their bandmates playing video games. She grabbed a bottle of water and some ibuprofen for Clarke and went back into the room without a word. “Hey Clarke, it’s time to get up.” Lexa said, shaking her gently. Clarke startled awake and sat up confused. She relaxed when she realized she was with Lexa. Lexa handed her the water and ibuprofen.

“How long was I asleep?” Clarke asked, taking the ibuprofen thankfully. Lexa shrugged. “I think we slept for a few hours. Our friends are waiting for us in the living room. Are you ready to talk with them?” Lexa asked, handing Clarke a sweatshirt and sweatpants from her closet. Clarke nodded and said “Go head out, I’ll meet you out there once I’m changed. I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts.” Lexa nodded and went out into the living room. She smiled when she saw Anya and Raven lowkey cuddling on the couch. She sighed in relief at how happy they all looked together. Lexa sat down beside Emori on the couch and smiled. 

“How’s Clarke?” Harper asked, looking up from the book she was reading. Clarke appeared just as Harper asked that and sat down beside Lexa. Everyone started bombarding her with questions and Lexa silenced them with her hand. Clarke looked at Lexa with a small smile. Clarke bit her lip and took a deep breath.

“First of all, I’m okay. I lost my way for a few days but I’m fine. If anything, this hangover is proof of why I should never drink again. Second of all, I am so sorry for everything that I have caused over the last 4 days. Between the media attacking everyone and Kane for victimizing each of you before his arrest. I’m sorry for lying. I should have been honest with all of you and not taken out my frustrations on you. If you guys choose to forgive me, I’d love to try and give this thing a go again.” Clarke said. Clarke was met by many confused faces. 

“Clarke, you’re a fucking idiot. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sure, you’ve been a mythic bitch the entire time I’ve known you but like if I was forced to hide some huge ass secret I’d be too. We’ll give it another go, but changes need to be made.” Anya said with a smirk. The rest of the Praimfaya girls nodded in agreement. “First things first, new rule: the two of you can’t fuck while were in earshot. Holy fuck, no one needs to hear that.” Emori said with a chuckle. Clarke and Lexa shared an embarrassed look. The rest of their friends laughed at how surprised they looked.“We were that obvious, huh?” Clarke said nervously. They laughed again and Lexa shrugged. 

“You weren’t exactly very quiet, Clarke.” Lexa pointed out, earning a smirk from Anya and a playful slap from Clarke. The rest of the conversation went smoothly and Raven decided to order pizzas. When the pizza girl arrived, she was surprised to see that her idols had ordered pizza. She got super excited and asked for a group photo. The group happily obliged and considered this their new beginning. With Jake handling getting everything back on track, Clarke safe and sound, and the media backing off slightly, things were beginning to look up.


	7. I Hate Myself for Loving You

“I think of you every night and day

You took my heart, then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the the things that you do

I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why

I hate myself for loving you

Daylight, spent the night without you

But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do

I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through

Hey, man, bet you can treat me right

You just don't know what you was missin' last night

I want to see your face and say forget it just from spite

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the the things that you do

I want to walk but I run back to you, that's why

I hate myself for loving you”

～Joan Jett and the Blackhearts～

  
  


“Clarke, I swear to god if you and Lexa are that loud while fucking one more time I’m going to kill you both” Octavia said as Lexa and Clarke emerged from her bedroom for breakfast the next morning. Lexa shrugged and laughed.

“You're just mad because you're not getting any.” Lexa said sitting down at the breakfast table and pouring herself and Clarke a glass of orange juice. Clarke blushed and mouthed that she was sorry. Clarke smiled and sipped her orange juice. 

“Nice hickeys, C” Raven pointed out with a smirk. “I’m sure your dad will be thrilled to see them when he gets here in 5 minutes.” Clarke choked on her orange juice and it came out her nose. Everyone at the table bursted out laughing. Clarke grabbed a napkin and wiped up the OJ and frowned. 

“Guys, it’s not funny! My dad has never seen this side of me before! Also, I haven’t seen him in person since last year before our tour.” Clarke said, trying to hide her laughter. There was a knock on the door.

“Room Service!” Jake jokingly said as he walked in and as Clarke ran back to her bedroom. Raven grinned and helped him carry in the boxes of donuts that he brought for their meeting. 

“Papa Griff! What’s happening!” Raven said as Jake hugged her. 

“Oh you know, just wondering what the hell was going through my daughters head the past year or two of her life. There is so much she didn’t tell me about. My personal favorite is the most recent front page of Ice Nation Magazine. That one was particularly damning.” Jake said with a chuckle. Raven laughed. 

“Sir, believe me I think that one straightened her out. It was horrible then, but it’s fucking hilarious now!” Raven said as Clarke came out of her room wearing a scarf to cover the hickeys.

“Haha, very funny. That was probably one of the lowest points in my life. I’m so glad it amuses you so much.” Clarke said sarcastically but broke into a smile and ran over to her Dad and hugged him tight. “Dad! I missed you so much!” 

Jake hugged Clarke back tightly and spun her around. “Clarke! You had me really worried there, Kiddo! I’m glad you’re alright.” 

Clarke laughed “Dad, I’m 23! I’m not a kid anymore. Also, I know and I’m really sorry. I should have reached out to you and Mom when I was struggling. How is Mom? Still a pain in the ass, I assume?” Clarke said with a disgusted look on her face. Jake frowned.

“We tried to call you, but you never returned our calls. Your mom and I got a divorce. I caught her in bed with Marcus Kane, what a scumbag.” Jake said in disgust. Clarke’s jaw dropped.

“You’re not serious are you? Please tell me you're joking?” Clarke said, staring blankly at him. Jake laughed and high fived Raven. Clarke sighed in relief.

“You should have seen your face! Griff, that was golden.” Raven said laughing.

“That wasn’t funny, Dad! Kane was horrible and caused many of us to have really bad issues.” Clarke said, crossing her arms. 

“I know, I’m sorry. That was a bit out of line. But you were out of control and I should have been more attentive. I’m sorry for that too.” Jake said, giving her another hug. He looked at her closely. “Nice hickeys. The scarf doesn’t hide it well by the way” He said somewhat uncomfortably. 

The bands tried to hide their laughter and Lexa bit her lip. Clarke looked at him trying to find the right words to say but just smiled sheepishly. 

“They’re a work of art, I wonder who did them.” Anya said, biting back laughter. Lexa glared at her and Jake looked uncomfortable. 

“I don’t need to know! I’ve learned way too much from the tabloids. Uh, let’s get down to business shall we?” Jake said, clearing his throat. Octavia and Raven couldn’t contain their laughter. It took them another five minutes before they could get anything done.

“What’s the scoop, Dad?” Clarke asked glaring at Octavia and Raven.

“So the good news first. I convinced the NFL to let you both still perform at the Super Bowl, you’re welcome. Also, you guys will need to be in the studio starting this afternoon to record your new music as well as starting to work on recording both your separate albums. The bad news is that Kane is going to trial and the lawyers want each member of Skaikru to testify. They said they don’t need Praimfaya because you barely had a chance to work with him.” Jake said fiddling with the pen that he held in his hand. 

Clarke sighed. She knew this was coming but she really would rather not see Kane ever again. The emotional abuse that she took from that man was infuriating to say the least. The bands nodded. 

“Also, I know Kane had some fucked up policy about who you were allowed to date. Fuck it. Doesn’t apply anymore. Any of Kane's rules no longer apply. Any questions?” Jake asked, grabbing a donut. The bands shook their heads and Clarke smiled slightly.

“I’m glad you’re here, Dad, this is such an upgrade. Right guys?” Clarke asked, looking at all her friends.

“Dude, your dad is hella chill. Totally different vibe then Kane. I dig it!” Emori said, with a grin. The others couldn’t help but smile. 

“Eat up, we leave for the studio in 45 mins. Clarke and I talk to you in the other room please?” Jake asked. Clarke smiled and walked out of the living room. Jake followed her.

“I will not tolerate your past behavior. Now I may be your father, but I am also your boss and I can and will fire you if I think it’s necessary for your health and happiness, or if it’s in the bands best interests. Do you understand?” Jake said sternly. Clarke sighed. 

“Dad, trust me. That was definitely rock bottom. I don’t think it’ll be an issue anymore. I have come a long way but I definitely have a long way to go. And if it becomes an issue again, I’ll try not to fight you, I promise.” Clarke said with a small smile. 

“Good. Let’s go eat!” He said and they walked back into the living room. Clarke took a seat next to Lexa and kissed her cheek. Jake made a mental note to introduce himself later at the studio when Clarke wasn’t paying attention. After eating and relaxing for a bit, the bands headed to the studio. Once there, Praimfaya was speechless. They had never been in a real studio before and Clarke smiled at how Lexa’s eyes lit up as she looked around in awe. They settled in and began the recording process. Skaikru was up first so Jake saw this as the perfect opportunity to steal Lexa for a second.

“Hello, Miss Woods. May I speak to you in the hallway for a second.” Jake said pursed lips, pretending to be serious. Lexa nodded and followed him out into the hallway. 

“What can I do for you?” Lexa said matching his seriousness. Jake broke into a smile. 

“I just wanted to meet the woman who has swept my daughter off her feet.” Jake said with a grin. Lexa relaxed slightly and smiled. 

“Well actually, I used to hate your daughter. It's weird how it worked out but we nearly beat the shit out of each other when I first met her. I honestly feel pretty bad about it now. Knowing what I know now. She’s stubborn as hell that's for sure. But if I’m truly honest, I fell for her hard. And fast. There’s something about her that is simply incredible. You helped raise an extremely wonderful woman. I love her very much.” Lexa admitted. 

Jake was taken aback slightly by Lexa’s forwardness. He smiled as he realized there was something so genuine and thoughtful about his daughter's girlfriend. 

“I’m thankful she found you when she did. Even though it may not seem like it, you helped her through a very difficult time and for that I am thankful. I look forward to getting to know you better, but right now I should really get back to business but thank you for the chat.” Jake said as he walked away. Lexa pondered for a moment about what had just transpired. She smiled to herself before walking back into the studio. 

The rest of the recording session went well and soon the bands were heading back to their penthouses for dinner and a game night. Harper insisted that they play Monopoly but that was quickly shot down because Lexa and Emori were way too competitive and it almost caused the band to split in the past. They settled for playing various card games. Clarke admired how competitive her girlfriend was. Clarke watched as Harper absolutely obliterated Lexa in the final round of Phase 10. Lexa huffed and crossed her arms. 

“You win this game McIntyre, but don’t worry I’m coming for ya in the next round!” Lexa said with a smirk. They played a few more games and Lexa ended up winning almost all of them. To say Raven was mad was an understatement. 

“How are you so goddamn good at card games?! You definitely cheated!” Raven exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

Anya smirked “No, she didn’t cheat. She just had no life in high school and this was all she did. Lexa wasn’t always a badass. She used to be a huge nerd.” Lexa scowled at Anya but laughed it off. 

“Don’t you dare tell them anything. That was a very different time! Anya I swear I’ll smother you with a pillow in your sleep if you say anything else” Lexa threatened.

“Lexa used to play Dungeons and Dragons and her character’s name was the Commander. She and her friends also made up this language called Trigedasleng. It was wild. They used to all come over to our basement and play. What nerds!” Anya said laughing. Lexa threw a pillow at Anya angrily. Ontari, Anya, Monroe, Echo and Octavia couldn’t contain their laughter.

“Anya, sleep with one eye open. I’m done hanging out with you all, Goodnight.” Lexa grumbled and walked to her bedroom. Clarke frowned and followed her.

“Nice going, guys. You hurt her feelings! What’s wrong with liking something nerdy! I also like DnD. You shouldn’t knock it until you try it.” Harper said with a frown. 

Clarke walked into the bedroom and saw Lexa sitting on the edge of the bed wiping a few tears that betrayed her. Clarke was taken aback, She had never seen Lexa cry before.

“Hey...I’m sorry they laughed at you. I didn’t realize how much you loved DnD. I’d love to play sometime. Don”t worry, I’ll yell at them later. I’m sorry they made you cry.” Clarke said sitting down beside Lexa and wiping her tears. Lexa laughed a little and shook her head. 

“I’m not crying because they laughed at me. I don’t care that they don’t like DnD. I haven’t played in a few years. I’m upset because Anya knows that DnD reminds me of my ex.” Lexa said with a sad smile. Clarke was surprised Lexa mentioned anything about her past. Lexa hardly mentioned anything about her past when they’d talk.

“Oh was your breakup bad?” Clarke inquired, hoping that Lexa wouldn’t shut down and ignore the whole conversation. Lexa sighed. 

“Her name was Costia. It wasn’t really a breakup per se. We started dating in high school. She introduced me to DnD and that's how we started dating. We dated all through high school until our senior year. We both got wicked drunk at a party one night and she ended up sleeping with someone else. I was pretty crushed after it happened and we had a huge fight. She drove home in the pouring rain and I I told her not to. She left anyway and when she was driving home a pickup truck hydroplaned and spun out, flying into Costia’s car. Her car flipped a bunch and ended up in a ditch. She apparently died on impact.” Lexa explained. 

Clarke’s heart hurt for Lexa. To be betrayed by the person you loved the most and then to lose them in such a horrible way wasn’t something new to Clarke. She knew every emotion Lexa was feeling right now. She leaned in and kissed her passionately. 

“I know how you feel. I promise you I’ll never drive in the rain and I will never do what Finn and Costia did. You are my person now. I’ll never leave you.” Clarke said, laying down and wrapping her arms around Lexa’s body. 

“Thank you Clarke, for showing me that loving someone was possible again.” Lexa said. Clarke inhaled sharply and squeezed her hand tight. 

“I could say the same thing to you. I love you Lexa Woods. Even if I hate myself for saying it.” Clarke said grinning. Lexa mirrored her grin and turned off the light. She gave Clarke a quick kiss. 

“I love you too, Clarke Griffin. Even if I did hate you to begin with as well.” Lexa said as they drifted off to sleep. The following day would bring on a whole new slew of adventures, disasters and a very challenging situation. 


	8. The Boys Are Back in Town

“They were askin' if you were around

How you was, where you could be found

Told 'em you were livin' downtown

Drivin' all the old men crazy

The boys are back in town

(The boys are back in town)

The boys are back in town

(The boys are back in town again)”

～Thin Lizzy～

Clarke woke up in a sea of brunette hair. She chuckled quietly as she brushed the hair off her face and sat up slowly. She smiled at how cute Lexa looked while she slept and checked her phone. Clarke remembered that today was their free day and started brainstorming ideas for her and Lexa to do.

“Morning beautiful” Lexa said as she woke up. Clarke looked up from her phone and smiled.

“Good morning? Did you sleep well? I woke up with your hair in my face.” Clarke said with a laugh. Lexa chuckled.

“Best sleep I’ve had in awhile. What do you want to do today? I’ve never really got a chance to check out NYC, maybe you could show me around?” Lexa suggested. 

“That’s totally what I was thinking. I have some ideas in mind. Are you hungry?” Clarke asked. Lexa smirked and kissed Clarke.

“I’m always hungry for you.” Lexa said, kissing Clarke again. Clarke pulled away and laughed.

“I meant for food, you horny dork.” Clarke said, grinning. Lexa grinned back and shrugged.

“You are the perfect snack. But I’d love to try some NY bagels.” Lexa said, giving Clarke a quick kiss and going over to her closet to pick out an outfit. Clarke smiled and watched Lexa methodically pick out an outfit.

“Do you do that everytime you change?” Clarke asked, with a chuckle. Lexa shook her head and smirked.

“This is the first time we're going out just the two of us, I want to make sure I look good for the paps.” Lexa said, pulling on a pair of tight skinny jeans. Clarke couldn’t stop herself from staring at Lexa’s ass. “Are we getting bagels or not?” Lexa said, laughing. 

Clarke smiled sheepishly and nodded “I’ll be right back, just have to go get ready.” Clarke said as she left to walk across the hall. After getting ready, she grabbed her backpack and walked back over to Lexa’s.

“Ready to go?” Lexa said, grabbing Clarke’s hand. 

“Hell yeah, let’s go,” Clarke said with a smile. 

The couple walked out of their building hand in hand and got into the car. 

“Where to, Miss Griffin?” Her driver Shaw asked, putting on the air conditioner. 

“Ess-a-Bagel, please!” Clarke asked and smiled at Lexa. “I’m really excited to show you around. I think you’ll love it here!” Clarke said looking out the window. Lexa smiled and took a picture of Clarke looking out the window. 

“What else have you got planned today?” Lexa asked, smiling. 

“I figured we’d walk around Times Square, see the Empire state building and get dinner at this really good pizza place.” Clarke said looking over at Lexa. 

“That sounds amazing. Could we go to Central Park too?” Lexa asked. 

“Yeah why not!” Clarke grinned as the car pulled up to the bagel place. 

Clarke and Lexa picked out their bagels and grabbed coffees before heading back to the car. Clarke told the driver to drop them off at Central Park. 

“Thanks, Shaw. I’ll call you when we’re ready to be picked up.” Clarke said as they got out and started walking around Central park. Lexa smiled and took everything in. Clarke found them a nice bench to sit and eat their breakfast. 

“Clarke, this bagel is heavenly. Holy shit.” Lexa said with a mouthful of bagel. 

Clarke laughed. “You have cream cheese all over your face.” She said wiping it off with her finger. 

“Shoulda used your mouth.” Lexa smirked. ”Central Park is so cool. I’m glad we get to explore before all the tour craziness starts tomorrow. I’m hella excited, don't get me wrong, but I don’t want to get so caught up in it so soon.” Lexa said, finishing her bagel.

“Trust me, tours are great but honestly they can be a lot. Don’t worry though, I’ll be right there with you the entire time. Not to mention the tour bus can be really fun. Especially when I fuck around with Raven. Last tour, I put a mannequin in her bunk and she nearly peed herself” Clarke said laughing. 

“That sounds hilarious. I can’t wait. Want to walk around some more?” Lexa asked with a grin. Clarke nodded and threw away their trash.

They walked around Central Park for an hour and Lexa made sure to take many pictures. The paparazzi found them a while later and followed them around for a bit. Clarke tried to outsmart them and when she finally thought she did, she pulled Lexa in for a passionate kiss. A flash ruined the moment and Lexa looked over at the photographer. She walked over to him angrily and Clarke held her back.

“Lexa, he’s not worth it! Let’s just go walk around Times Square” Clarke whispered in her ear. Lexa sighed. Clarke was right, starting a fight with the paps was a surefire way to get them in trouble. They walked to times square and Lexa took everything in.

“Holy shit, it’s even better in person then it is in the movies. Take my photo??” Lexa asked posing for Clarke. 

“You’re so cute when you’re excited. I’m glad you didn’t throw hands with that pap. As much as I would have loved for you to beat the shit out of him we’d get in so much trouble if that got out.” Clarke said, taking the photo. 

“I’m still not used to being followed constantly. I kind of fucking hate it. Does it ever get easier?” Lexa asked.

“You honestly get used to it. It sucks though because everything you do is constantly on blast. PR tries their best to curb as much as possible but stuff still gets leaked and the rumors are crazy as you already know. I’m still mortified by the photo of me from the bar with Raven and Anya.” Clarke admitted.

“You have to admit, that photo is a little bit funny now.” Lexa said with a smirk. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Just wait until they get one of you in your worst moments.” Clarke said with a chuckle. 

They walked around Times Square for a while. Clarke insisted on stopping at the M&M store so she could buy Lexa a present. She purchased a large peanut M&M pillow and Lexa couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You’re adorable when you’re not putting up a front.” Lexa said, wrapping her arms around Clarke. 

“I just feel like I can finally be myself. You make it easier for me to be me. I don’t feel like I have to hide who I am around you. But if anyone else asks, I’m tough as nails and I take no shit.” Clarke said crossing her arms and frowning. Lexa laughed and started walking again. 

“You're a big softy and maybe everyone else thinks you’re tough shit but I see right through that facade.” Lexa smiled as they walked to the Empire State Building. 

“You’re not wrong, but you can’t tell anyone. I need to be feared. Also I could say the same about you.” Clarke said laughing. They walked into the Empire State Building and got in line for tickets. They took the elevator up. Clarke gave Lexa’s hand a squeeze. 

“Ready for one of the greatest views ever?” She said with a nervous smile as they reached the top. They walked out onto the deck and Lexa looked out over the city in awe. 

“Clarke, this has to be the coolest view I’ve ever seen. C’mon let’s take a selfie” Lexa took a selfie with Clarke. Lexa took a cute picture of Clarke and the skyline. They took in the view for a while before Clarke’s phone rang. Clarke answered and sighed after hanging up.

“We apparently are leaving for the tour tonight to get ahead of a huge storm so we should probably head home to pack and get ready.” Clarke said with a sigh, not wanting to end their date early. 

“Oh that’s wild, yeah we better go.” Lexa smiled sadly, wishing they could spend the day together longer. She grabbed Clarke’s hand and walked to the elevator. The elevator filled up quickly and Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and tensed up. Lexa sensed the change in Clarke’s demeanor and gave her a concerned look. 

“I hate elevators and small spaces. That's why they convert the back of the tour bus into a bedroom for me.” Clarke whispered. 

“Good to know, I’ll make sure to never make out with you in an elevator” Lexa said, squeezing her hand. 

“I used to be a lot worse but therapy helped. Also being surrounded by fans has kind of forced me into getting used to it more. I just get a little freaked out still” Clarke said and Lexa kissed her cheek.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here.” Lexa said with a small smile. 

A young girl in the back corner of the elevator whispered to her boyfriend that she was a huge fan of Skaikru and wanted a photo with Clarke. Lexa overheard the convo and smiled. 

“You have a fan” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear. Clarke smiled and pulled out one of her signature bandanas out of her back pack. 

“Hey, this is for you,” Clarke said, throwing it back at her. The girl came over and they took a selfie. Lexa frowned when she looked over at Clarke and saw she was shaking. 

Lexa was about to ask Clarke if she was okay when the elevator doors opened and people started filing out. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and pulled her out of the elevator. 

“God, I hate those things.” Clarke said, taking a deep breath, pulling out her cell phone and calling Shaw to pick them up. 

Lexa smiled at her warmly. “How bad were your panic attacks?” She asked politely. 

Clarke sighed “They used to be pretty bad. I take meds now to keep them at bay. Every once in a while it gets bad again. I’m okay, though” She said with a genuine smile as Shaw pulled up. 

They got into the car and chatted about the tour and what they planned to pack. Lexa probably wouldn’t admit it out loud but she loved the M&M Clarke gave her and was definitely going to bring it onto the bus with her. When they reached the hotel, Lexa gave Clarke a quick kiss and headed to go pack. Clarke smiled 

“Meet ya down here in an hour?” Clarke asked.

“Sounds good!” Lexa replied as she got into the elevator. Clarke opted for the stairs and went up to pack. When she got into their penthouse she went straight to her room and pulled out her duffel bag and backpack. She packed all her stuff and sang while she did it. She was about to finish packing when Raven and Octavia barged into the room.

“BOMBSHELL CLARKE GRIFFIN OF SKAIKRU SEEN WITH LEXA WOODS OF PRAIMFAYA IN STEAMY CENTRAL PARK KISS AHEAD OF COMBINED TOUR” Octavia yelled with the biggest grin on her face.

“Griff, y’all made the front page of every major magazine and promoted our tour. Holy shit, the fans are going nuts!” Raven exclaimed. 

Clarke laughed and finished zipping her bag. “Y’all should have seen what almost happened after the kiss. Lexa almost punched out the pap. She’s so aggressive sometimes and it’s so damn hot.” Clarke said with a smirk.

“I’m setting a rule. No sex while everyone’s on the bus.” Octavia said and Raven laughed. “That goes for you too, Reyes,” Octavia said laughing.

Raven rolled her eyes. “At least Anya and I can be quiet unlike some people I know.” Raven said looking directly at Clarke and laughing.

“You guys are the worst but I love you. We should get going. My dad wants us on the road ASAP.” Clarke said grabbing her bags and throwing on her favorite snapback.

“We’ll meet to y’all downstairs.” Raven said as she and Octavia went to grab their bags. 

Clarke walked out of her room and made her way downstairs. In the lobby, their crew, security and her Dad were waiting for them. Clarke was the first to arrive. 

“Well, I’ll be damned. Clarke Griffin’s actually on time!” Her security guard and long time best friend Bellamy Blake said, giving her a high five. 

“That’s almost unheard of, should I have Jackson check your temp?” Her other friend and security guard John Murphy said. 

Clarke chuckled “What can I say, I’m a new woman!” 

Bellamy and Murphy smirked at each other. “You mean you’re doing a new woman” Murphy said to Bellamy so only they could hear.

Clarke blushed and smacked his arm playfully. “Fuck off, so are you.” 

The rest of the band members trickled down. Clarke smiled at Lexa when she finally joined the group. Jake cleared this throat.

“Alright everyone! We’re about to embark on the first leg of the North American tour! Outside there are two double decker tour buses. The first one is for the bands, a few security, and Jackson. The second one is for the rest of the crew and myself. The first stop is Minneapolis, Minnesota!” Jake said with a clap of his hands.

Clarke grinned and they walked out to the buses. The crew helped them load their luggage under the bus and they filed onto the bus. Praimfay stared in awe at how large the interior of the bus was. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and smiled.

“Welcome home, Praimfaya! How about a tour?” Clarke said grinning. Clarke started by showing them where all the snacks were, the mini fridge exclusively for drinks and the food fridge. The next stop on the bus tour was the bathroom. Raven pushed her way to the front of the group.

“Alright, can anyone tell me what the most important rule of bus 1 is?” Raven said looking at the group. Harper jumped up and raised her hand excitedly.

“The most important rule is there is ABSOLUTELY NO NUMBER 2 ON BUS NUMBER 1” Harper yelled. 

“There is absolutely no shitting on this bus. I will smother you in your sleep if you do.” Octavia said, looking at a very concerned Praimfaya. 

The tour continued with a look into the back bedroom that was reserved for Clarke. They ventured to the front of the bus and explored the living room area that had a table and a couch. Afterwards they went upstairs, at the top of the stairs was another bathroom, and a brief closet with a bunch of hangars on it. Clarke pointed out the 16 bunks.

“Have at it! Choose your bunk wisely. It’s your new home!” Clarke said. 

The other girls scrambled to pick their bunks. Lexa chose the first bottom bunk but knew full well she’d end up in Clarke’s room. Emori and Monroe fought over the last top bunch and Emori eventually won in their rock paper scissors tournament. Murphy, Bellamy and Fox found their bunks and Murphy winked at Emori. 

“Rule number 2! No sex on the bus! I mean you can try but if you get caught that's on you!” Harper said. 

“You're just mad Monty can’t come on tour. We’ll see him when we're back in NYC” Monroe said laughing. 

The bus started moving and Echo almost fell over. Bellamy laughed and helped her up. 

“You gotta get used to how the bus moves. It’ll get easier.” Bellamy stated.

“Anyone wanna play Mariokart?” Harper suggested. 

Emori and Ontari challenged Harper and Monroe to a Mariokart tournament and went into the lounge to play. Clarke winked at Lexa and headed down to her room. She sat down on the bed and took out her phone to play some music. Lexa knocked on the door and came in. 

“Hey babe, nice bed.” Lexa said with a smirk. Clarke laughed.

“Are you trying to get me in trouble in the first hour that we’re on tour?” Clarke said, patting the bed beside her. Lexa sat down beside her and smiled.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening. It feels so surreal.” Lexa said, taking a sip from her water bottle. 

“This is it, babe. You finally made it. I’m so glad we get to do this tour together. It’s going to be a blast.” Clarke said kissing her, passionately. 

Lexa kissed back, grinned into the kiss. “How much do you want to bet that Raven falls out of Anya’s bunk butt naked?” 

Clarke laughed “50 bucks says she does it and finds a way to somehow hurt herself.” 

“You’re on.” Lexa said. 

They spent the rest of the evening cuddling and writing more music before curling up under the blankets and falling asleep. Tomorrow, they would reach their first tour destination and Praimfaya would experience the reality of rock star life.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Rock and Roll All Nite

“You show us everything you've got

You keep on dancin', and the room gets hot

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You say you wanna go for a spin

The party's just begun, we'll let you in

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'

I wanna rock and roll all night

And party every day

I wanna rock and roll all night

And party every day

I wanna rock and roll all night

And party every day

I wanna rock and roll all night

And party every day”

～KISS～

The next morning most of the girls were up early in anticipation of their upcoming show. After a short stop for breakfast and a true bathroom break, everyone sat around the downstairs lounge relaxing and enjoying their last bit of free time before the chaos of the tour began.

“How much longer until we get there? I’m sick of getting demolished by Ontari in Mariokart. Please tell me we’re almost there?” Monroe said, grabbing a snack from the cabinet. 

Clarke laughed “We’ve still got an hour. Have you considered playing a different game? We have more than one.” She said from her seat on Lexa’s lap. 

“Ontari is particularly good at Just Dance” Lexa said with a laugh. Ontari glared at Lexa and crossed her arms. 

“Fuck off, Lex. That was one time and I was drunk off my ass.” Ontari said with a laugh.

“I’m excited for tonight's show. It’s been a while since we played in front of a crowd.” Harper said grinning.

“Praimfaya, y’all ain’t ready for how awesome touring is.” Raven said, finally joining the group.

“Ah so she is alive? Those shots too much for ya girl?” Echo said with a smirk.

“No, absolutely not. It’s this damn bus. I get mad car sick.” She said laughing. 

“It’s true, Raven never gets hungover. But she does get wicked car sick.” Clarke said with a laugh. 

“Remember when we went on that road trip in college and Raven yakked the entire way home.” Monroe said laughing. 

“Fuck you, that was awful for everyone. Leave Raven alone. Also you can’t talk, you ruined the rugs of my car after a night of drinking. At least Raven was clean about it” Clarke said laughing. 

Lexa chuckled at how close Clarke was with her friends. She was glad that everyone was finally getting along. They spent the rest of the drive laughing and sharing funny memories from their brief college years. When they finally arrived at their hotel, they piled off the bus and waited for Jake’s instructions. 

“Alright, folks. Here we are! We might as well settle in for a few and freshen up before sound check and then it’s time to get ready for the big show! The room situation is Clarke/Lexa, Raven/Anya, Monroe/Harper, and Echo/Emori/Ontari. When backstage, Alie will meet you with your wardrobe for tonight’s show. See you backstage, in an hour!” Jake said with a smile. 

Lexa grinned at Clarke and winked. They would finally have a room for themselves and Lexa was more than excited about it. The girls made their way up to their rooms and dropped off their things. Lexa flopped onto the bed and sighed happily.

“This is the comfiest bed I’ve ever laid on. I can’t wait to sleep in it. Oh the things I am going to do to you” Lexa said with a happy sigh.

Clarke laughed “To me or the bed?” She said as she flopped down next to Lexa. Clarke’s eyes widened when she hit the mattress. “Holy fuck, you’re right. This mattress is heavenly. I don’t think you’ll be able to do anything to me, I might just fall asleep.” Clarke said sitting up slightly to grin at Lexa.

“Too bad, I’ve been patient this entire time and I will have my way with you tonight” Lexa practically growled. 

“Well, let’s hope I don’t get too drunk at the after party then.” Clarke teased as she went to brush her teeth.

“After party?” Lexa questioned, following Clarke into the bathroom.

“Yeah, after the show we usually hang out in the hotel ballroom to celebrate.” Clarke explained.

“Oh cool, yeah sounds good.” Lexa said awkwardly. Clarke raised her eyebrow.

“Party’s not your thing?” Clarke asked.

“Well I uh just haven’t been to a party since Costia and alcohol really isn’t my thing. I’m a total lightweight so I black out easily.” Lexa admitted. “I’m not entirely opposed though, I feel safe when I’m with you” 

Clarke nodded “Well, how about this. I promise, I won’t drink too much and if you get uncomfortable we can leave?” Clarke said with a smile. Lexa smiled and squeezed her hand. 

“Sounds like a plan. We should definitely be headed to the venue, it’s about a 30 min drive.” Lexa said, grabbing Clarke’s hand. 

They walked hand in hand to the car and headed to the venue. Lexa was nervous but she would never admit it to anyone out loud. Clarke, on the other hand, could sense that Lexa was nervous.

“You good? You’re very quiet” Clarke asked, giving Lexa’s hand a squeeze.

“I’m great. Just thinking about tonight's show.” Lexa said with a small smile.

“It’s going to be awesome, trust me. You barely even see the crowd under all the stage lights and besides I’ll be in your view at all times.” Clarke said with a smile. Lexa relaxed a little and they arrived at the venue.

Upon their arrival, they were whisked away in separate directions by people they assumed were working for Alie. After getting into their show clothes, the bands met up on stage for the sound check. Praimfaya went up first since they would be opening the show. Clarke watched from the side of the stage as they started playing their opener. She was in awe at how natural Lexa looked while playing. Their tour sound manager, Kyle Wick, made sure that the levels sounded right and much to Praimfaya's surprise Raven corrected most of what he did. 

After Praimfaya was done, Skaikru took the stage and did their soundcheck. After that, both groups practiced their songs together and finished up with the soundcheck. 

“Alright everyone! I know we both have our separate pre show traditions but one that I thought would be a good one to share is Skaikru’s timed honored pre show tequila shot. Who’s in?” Raven said with a grin as Octavia pulled out a bottle of tequila, limes, salt, and plastic shot glasses. Lexa was the first one to raise her hand.

Clarke shot her a look and Lexa brushed her off as Octavia handed everyone a shot, a lime slice and salt. Anya also looked confused but decided to ignore it. 

“Here’s to a kick ass show and a badass tour. FBGM” Raven said as everyone took their shots. Afterwards everyone cheered and Clarke pulled Lexa aside.

“You didn’t have to do that if you didn’t want to. No one would have judged you.” Clarke said, giving her a look. 

“Clarke, I wanted to do it. Besides, I can’t look weak in front of people.” Lexa said walking to go backstage. 

“Lexa, you don’t have to shut your feelings off. It doesn't make you weak to have feelings. No one will judge you. Have you seen anyone judge me for losing my god damn mind? Have you?” Clarke said pointedly. 

Lexa thought for a moment and shook her head. “I’m sorry, it’s just all I’ve known. Please, let me gather my thoughts before the show. I’ll talk to you after” She said, pushing past Clarke and joining the rest of the bands. 

Clarke sighed and took another shot of tequila straight from the bottle and sat down beside Raven.

“Just nervous. We haven’t done this in a while” She said with a small smile. 

“We were just laughing about how Emori and Ontari didn’t know FBGM meant Fuck Bitches, Get Money.” Harper said laughing.

Clarke smiled “It’s easy not to. It’s like Raven’s catchphrase. Are y’all ready to rock?!” Clarke shouted as she stood up. Everyone cheered and Clarke winked at Lexa and squeezed her hand as she walked by. Lexa gave her a small smile. 

“You’ve got this babe” Clarke said as Praimfaya took the stage to a roaring crowd. 

Lexa heard the crows roar and suddenly, any reservations she had flew away. With her adrenaline pumping, she began the chords to their first song. Clarke watched and saw the change occur. Her heart fluttered at how epic Lexa was. When they finished their set, Clarke and Skaikru cheered loudly from backstage. 

Praimfaya exited the stage and ran backstage. Lexa ran immediately to Clarke and kissed her passionately. Clarke was taken aback at first but melted into the kiss. 

“That was fucking epic!” Lexa said resting her forehead on Clarkes. Clarke grinned.

“You are electrifying. I’d love to stay and kiss you longer, but I have a set to perform.” Clarke said kissing Lexa quickly before taking her place on the stage lift under the stage. 

Clarke looked out at the crowd and grinned. “What did ya think of that opener?!” She said proudly, earning a chorus of cheers from the fans. 

“Don’t you worry they’ll be back to join us after our set! Hit it!” Clarke said and pointed to Octavia to start the drums.

Backstage, Lexa watched in awe as Clarke sang through their entire set. Praimfaya joined Skaikru onstage and finished out the show with a bang. 

After taking their bows and doing an encore of Poison by Alice Cooper the bands ran backstage and erupted in a series of cheers and tequila shots. 

“Holy fuck, that has to be the greatest show we’ve ever done!” Monroe said high fiving Octavia. 

“Did you hear that crowd! Absolutely epic!” Emori said, taking another celebratory shot with Octavia. 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and spun her around. Clarke laughed and kissed Lexa.

“That was the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Well, except you of course.” Lexa said with a smirk. Clarke blushed and kissed her again. 

Jake and the rest of the security detail not guarding the exits made their way backstage.

“Well done, girls! We’ve arranged a limo to take you back to the hotel bar for the after party. There is a line of fans waiting outside the stage door to get autographs. Sign as many as you’d like. I’ll meet you all back at the hotel!” He said as he came over and hugged Clarke. “You were fabulous as always.” He said kissing her head. 

She smiled and looked up at him “Thanks, Dad. We couldn’t have done it without you.” 

Jake smiled and the rest of the girls gathered their things and headed for the stage door. Once outside, the fans screamed and some of them cried. Clarke grinned and walked over and signed as many autographs as she could. One of the girls had a photo of Clarke and Lexa that she wanted them both to sign. After a while, Bellamy, Murphy, Lincoln and Indra whisked them into the limo. 

“WHO'S READY FOR THE AFTER PARTAY” Octavia shouted. Everyone laughed as Raven poured everyone a glass of champagne. 

“Rock and roll baby.” Raven said and clinked glasses with everyone. 

Lexa smiled and clinked glasses with Clarke. “Cheers, babe. To much more epicness” Lexa said as she sipped the champagne. 

They arrived at the hotel Clarke grinned and smiled. They got out and were escorted into the bar by security. Lexa was surprised to see how many people were there waiting for them. 

“Who are all these people?” Lexa said loudly to be heard over the DJ.

“They’re some of our friends, family and some fans. A few of our famous friends as well. I believe that Brendon Urie might be here tonight. He’s a lowkey fan of our band.” Clarke said heading to the bar for a drink. 

Lexa stood there for a second dumbfounded. She was a big fan of Panic! at the Disco and couldn’t believe that Clarke knew THE Brendon Urie. She followed Clarke to the bar and looked at her. 

“Would you like me to introduce you guys?” Clarke said with a smirk, knowing full well that Lexa was a huge fan even though she’d never admit it aloud. All Lexa could do was nod and order a drink. Lexa downed her drink. 

“Uh when can I meet him?” She said, trying to play off her nervousness. Clarke laughed as she waved him over to the bar. “Brendon, this is Lexa, my girlfriend. She’s a fan of yours. I have to go find Raven for a minute. I’ll come back to you in a bit.” She said and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before heading to find her dad.

Clarke watched them for a bit and smiled at how Lexa’s face lit up when they started talking but left quickly to find Raven. She laughed when she found Anya, Echo, Raven and Monroe playing a drinking game in the corner of the bar. 

“Who’s winning?” Clarke said as she approached. 

Echo practically growled “Who do you think? Damn New Yorkers!” Echo exclaimed as Raven won another round. Anya stood and watched this all go down but winked at Raven. 

Raven grinned “If you think I’m good, try beating Clarke. C’mon Clarke, play a few rounds.” Clarke laughed and agreed, knowing that Raven only said that to make Echo more frustrated. Clarke was lousy at this game but agreed to play a few rounds. A few rounds later, Echo was pleased to have beaten Clarke and Clarke was definitely feeling tipsy. 

When she was done, she went to find Lexa. She found Lexa sitting at the bar with Harper and Emori. Lexa’s face lit up when Clarke sat down beside her and Clarke could tell immediately that she was at least tipsy.

"Clarke! You’re back! I had the best conversation with Brendon Urie and he kept telling the bartender to pour more drinks and now I’m a little drunk. I was just telling Harper and Emori how much I used to hate you but I found you incredibly sexy. But like now you’re my super hot bi-princess girlfriend” Lexa said with a grin and then got incredibly close to Clarke’s ear before whispering something absolutely dirty in Clarke’s ear.

Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing and to stop herself from getting too hot and bothered. “I think it’s time for you to go to sleep. Goodnight, you two.” She said as she pulled Lexa off the chair. Emori and Harper couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh and not a word about this tomorrow, or I’ll kill you both” Clarke said so only Harper and Emori could hear which shut them up quickly.

Lexa pulled Clarke away quickly and practically ran to the elevator. Once inside, she pulled Clarke close and kissed her passionately. Clarke kissed back and was surprised when Lexa slipped her tongue into the kiss. Clarke bit back a moan as the elevator doors opened on their floor. Lexa pulled Clarke to their room and fumbled with the key. Clarke opened the door and Lexa pulled her in and shut the door quickly. Clarke pulled off her clothes in a haste and Lexa’s as well before Clarke picked Lexa up and pushed her against the bed. Lexa pulled their bodies as close as possible and slid her leg in between Clarke’s thighs. 

“ _ Fuck, Clarke _ ” Lexa moaned 

“ _ Lexa… _ ” Clarke growled as she rolled her hips against Lexa’s. They moved together in a drunken passion. Pleasure consumed them both quickly and they flopped back onto the bed breathing heavily. 

Clarke chuckled when she looked over and saw Lexa was half asleep already. She covered them both in a sheet before turning off the lamp.

“Good night, Lex. Sleep well. I love you” Clarke said, kissing her head.

“Mmm night Clarkey, today was awesome and I love you to the moon and back.” Lexa mumbled back before falling asleep. Clarke grinned and cuddled into Lexa for a good night's sleep. 


	10. Winds of Change

“The wind of change

Blows straight into the face of time

Like a stormwind that will ring the freedom bell

For peace of mind

Let your balalaika sing

What my guitar wants to say

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams (share their dreams)

With you and me (with you and me)

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away (dream away)

In the wind of change (in the wind of change)”

～Scorpions～

The sun woke Clarke up early the next morning. She sighed and shielded her eyes trying to fall back asleep. Her phone started ringing loudly and she groaned as she picked it up.

“Hello?” Clarke said sleepily.

“Morning, sunshine! Breakfast in an hour then we gotta hit the road. Don’t be late.” Her dad said cheerfully and hung up. Clarke sighed and shook Lexa gently but she didn’t budge.

“Babe, we gotta get ready to go and you take forever in the shower.” Clarke said, shaking her a little harder.

“Clarke, stop shaking me. I’m awake. You shower first, I need to lay here a minute.” Lexa mumbled covering her eyes to shield them from the light.

Clarke chuckled “You drank too much last night, didn’t you?” 

Lexa nodded “Fuck, me. I can’t believe I let Brendon Urie get me drunk.” Lexa mumbled. “It was kinda worth it though, he’s pretty dope.” 

Clarke chuckled “You better not fall back asleep while I’m in the shower.” 

Clarke went to shower and Lexa fell back asleep. When Clarke got out of the shower, she noticed Lexa had fallen back asleep and she picked up her pillow and threw it at her.

“I’m up, I’m up! Stop throwing things.” Lexa grumbled as she sat up slowly. 

“You’re grumpy and mean when you're hungover. It’s an interesting side of you” Clarke said with a laugh.

“Fuck off, I feel like shit and have to be on a bus for god knows how long, give me a break” Lexa said getting out of bed to go shower. 

“I left a bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of water for you on the sink. You’re welcome” Clarke said, beginning to back her stuff. 

Lexa turned to her with a small smile “Thanks, and I’m sorry for being a bitch. I hate not feeling well with a burning passion.” 

Clarke smiled “Good to know. Now hurry up.” 

After Lexa finished her shower, she felt a little bit better but was still in a grouchy mood. They met up with the rest of their friends and crew at breakfast. 

“Good morning, glad you could finally join us.” Jake said with a chuckle. “Rough morning?” He said glancing over at Lexa who was wearing sunglasses and a hoodie. 

Clarke shook her head and whispered “Shut up, Lexa’s a mean when she’s hungover.” Lexa elbowed her in the side which earned a laugh from the rest of their friends and Jake. 

“Rude,” Clarke said with a laugh before digging into her breakfast. 

“Lex, you’re lucky that your super hot bi-princess girlfriend doesn’t get her feelings hurt easily or else she might have dumped you this morning.” Anya said, sipping her coffee. Clarke glared at Emori and Harper who were desperately trying to hold in their laughter. 

“Fucking hell…” Lexa said, suddenly remembering all that happened the night before and put her head in her hands. 

“If it makes you feel any better, when we found Clarke after the whole Finn debacle, she kept mumbling about you the entire time. She said something about letting you command her in bed anytime” Raven said with a smirk. 

“Uh I think I’ll go and make sure the buses are ready for departure…” Jake said getting up and walking away quickly. Clarke’s face turned bright red and Lexa smirked at her.

“I think that earns you the nickname, The Commander” Octavia said laughing. 

“Oh my god no. Leave us alone. You guys say dumb things when your drunk too” Clarke said shaking her head and mouthing that shes sorry to Lexa. Lexa smirked and laughed in return.

“They’re not wrong, are they?” Lexa said, winking. Clarke blushed deeper. 

“No..” Clarke said not to make eye contact with anyone. 

“Well this has been quite the amusing breakfast, but we should hit the road” Bellamy said getting up from the table. Everyone else nodded and gathered their things, making their way to the bus. 

Once everyone was back on the bus, the buses began their journey to the next state on their tour. The next few weeks were a whirlwind for the bands. Their shows were selling out everynight and the parties were wild. Lexa was slowly becoming accustomed to the party life and found herself slowly opening up to Clarke. After their most recent show, they were headed to the final show before their 3 week long break.

They just began their drive from Toronto to New York City. Lexa headed into Clarke’s room and flopped onto the bed. Clarke followed her into the room and shut the door. 

“Tired babe?” Clarke said, flicking her shoes off and sitting down. 

“Yeah just a bit. My body is still getting used to drinking so much.” She said with a chuckle. 

“You’ll get used to it eventually or you could just not do it. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to...How about a nap?” Clarke suggested.

Lexa nodded and the couple cuddled together for a nap. When their nap was done, they walked out of their room to see Emori, Harper, Ontari and Octavia playing Just Dance.

“Wanna join?” Octavia said with a smirk. 

“Absolutely! This is my favorite game!” Clarke said picking up the Wii controller. 

“I’ll sit this one out but I’ll definitely watch” Lexa said laughing and taking a seat next to Harper. The girls took turns playing Just Dance for a while and Clarke looked around. 

“Where’s Raven and Anya?” Clarke asked. 

Harper smirked “They’re upstairs fucking.” 

Clarke laughed and grabbed Lexa’s hand. “Let’s fuck shit up!” She ran up the stairs, dragging Lexa behind her. 

The buse swerved suddenly, knocking Clarke into Lexa. The bus driver slammed on the breaks but it was no use. A giant 18-wheeler drove across the highway and slammed into the tour bus. Raven tumbled off the top bunk and slammed into the floor of the bus. 

Lexa grabbed Clarke and tried to protect her but she lost her footing and flew backwards slamming into the cabinet and landing on the floor. Lexa called out to Clarke weakly before everything went black.

Clarke sat up and caught her breath. Once she gathered her breath again she looked around to access the situation. She gasped when she saw Lexa passed out and bleeding from a head wound.

Anya ran out of the bunk room and looked at Clarke and Lexa. 

“Holy shit what just happened?! Okay, okay. Raven’s hurt badly, we need help stat!” Anya said kneeling down by Lexa.

“Fuck, I’ll be back. Here use this to apply pressure to Lexa’s head. I’ll be right back! Don’t move her!” Clarke said frantically as she stood up. She doubled over in pain and took a shallow breath. “Ribs are definitely broken. Noted” She said to herself as she made her way down the stairs slowly. 

She ran off the bus and screamed for Jackson. Jackson hopped off the other bus and ran towards Clarke.

“Clarke, is everyone okay?!” Jackson asked.

Clarke shook her head “Raven and Lexa got hit bad. We’ve gotta move quickly!” Clarke said running back into the bus. She frantically called 911 and briefed them on the situation. 

Jackson went over to check Raven first. Raven was with it but she definitely concussed herself and damaged her knee. Jackson was more concerned with Lexa. 

“Hey, Lexa. This is doctor Jackson. Can you open your eyes for me.” He said calmly.

Lexa woke up slowly and groaned in pain. “It hurts, my back. It’s killing me please make it stop.” She cried out.

Clarke tried not to panic and gave Lexa’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry baby, the medics are on their way.” She said kissing Lexa’s temple. 

The pain was too much for her and she drifted out of consciousness again. 

“Clarke, do you mind going to check on the other girls. I’ll make sure Lexa is stable while we wait.” Jackson asked. 

Clarke nodded and went downstairs. She sighed in relief when she noticed that everyone downstairs seemed to be alright. 

“Is everyone okay?” Clarke asked.

“Minor injuries here. Octavia definitely broke her wrist. Other than that minor bruises and cuts. Upstairs?” Harper asked, rubbing her head.

“Not good, Lexa and Raven are hurt. We called 911. Waiting on them now.” Clarke said, feeling slightly dizzy. 

Clarke shook her head and went back upstairs. She knelt down by Lexa and held her hand tight. The room started spinning and she closed her eyes. 

The paramedics arrived and brought a backboard upstairs. They gently shifted Lexa onto it and Clarke followed them into the back of the ambulance. Anya did the same for Raven.

Once they arrived at the nearest hospital everything moved quickly. They put Clarke, Raven, and Lexa in a private wing of the hospital. Clarke was correct about her broken ribs but other than they she and the rest of the band escaped without major injuries.

Raven on the other hand severely damaged her knee and required surgery. Lexa was in the worst shape out of all of them. She fractured one of her vertebrae and got a concussion. 

It seemed like forever before Lexa woke up again. She opened her eyes slowly and saw Clarke asleep in the chair next to her bed, with her hand intertwined with Lexa’s. Lexa grimaced when a sharp pain smeared through her back and the lights were too bright.

She pushed the call button frantically and tried to stop the tears falling. She hated being seen as weak. Dr. Jackson came in and smiled slightly.

“It’s nice to see you awake. How’s your pain?” Jackson asks.

“It's fine, mildly discomforting” Lexa said through gritted teeth. 

Jackson shook his head. “I’ll up your pain meds” He said, as he pushed the button on the pump that was pumping her with meds.

“Lex...you don’t have to put on a brave face...you’re hurting” Clarke said sleepily squeezing Lexa’s hand. 

“I’m fine, Clarke. Is everyone else?” Lexa asked, feeling the effects of the meds beginning slowly. 

“Raven hurt her knee and I have a few broken ribs. Octavia broke her wrist. Other than that we’re fine. Dad ordered us a new bus we’re headed back to New York as soon as you and Raven can leave. We extended our break to give us time to heal but then it’s time to finish the rest of the tour…” Clarke sighed. 

Lexa nodded “That’s good…very good” She said, drifting off into a drug induced sleep. 

A few days later they were back on the road again. Lexa spent most of her time in bed. Her back required her to be laying down the majority of the time. Jackson prescribed her oxycodone for the pain and told her to only use it when needed. 

When they finally got back to New York, the girls were very happy to be home. They said a brief goodbye to their crew before heading to their respected rooms. Clarke helped Lexa walk into their room and lay on the bed.

“Would you like an ice pack babe? It might help.” Clarke suggested.

“No, hand me my pills please.” Lexa said through gritted teeth. 

“Lex, you already took one, like a half hour ago.” Clarke said, putting her and Lexa’s clothes away. 

“C-Clarke, please. I-I’m in so much p-pain” Lexa said tearing up. 

Clarke sighed and grabbed the pills, handing Lexa one. It broke Clarke’s heart to see her in such pain. 

“That’s the last one for today okay. No more.” Clarke said getting into bed and laying down slowly.

Lexa nodded “Goodnight, Clarke. I love you.” Lexa said kissing Clarke before laying down again.

“Night my love, try and get some rest. I love you too.” Clarke said, drifting off to sleep. 

Lexa sighed and tried to fall asleep but the pain was unbearable. Lexa got up slowly and grabbed her pill bottle. She popped another one in her mouth before drifting off to sleep.


	11. Smiling

“This is a life of extremes

Both sides are slippery and enticing

These are my places off the rails

And this, my loose recollection of a falling

I barely remember who I failed

I was just trying to keep it together

This is my first wave of my white flag

This is the sound of me hitting bottom

This, my surrender, if that's what you call it

In the anatomy of my crash

And I keep on smiling

Keep on moving

Can't stand still”

～Alanis Morissette～

The next morning Clarke was awoken early by her father and asked to come out into the living room as soon as possible as it was a bit of an emergency. Panicking, Clarke threw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie and made her way into the living room. 

“Dad, what’s the matter? Is everything alright?” Clarke asked with a yawn. Jake shook his head and motioned for her to sit down. 

“You’re Mom just called. She’s been in an accident at the hospital. She’s doing fine, but she’s heading home in a few days and need’s someone to help her out until she can get back on her feet again. I would go but I have to deal with remnants of the mess

Marcus made and prepare for the upcoming trial. I need you to go and stay with your Mom for a bit. I know it’s not ideal, but you have to go alone. I’m sending Bellamy with you.” Jake said with a sigh.

Clarke sighed as well looked at her hands. She desperately wanted to stay with Lexa until she was better, but knew that she had no choice. She looked up at her father with sad eyes.

“When do we leave?” Clarke asked.

“As soon as you’re packed. I really am sorry Clarke.” Jake said coming over and giving her a gentle hug.

Clarke hugged back and sighed. “I’ll go get ready now...be out in a bit.” She said walking back into her room. Clarke walked over to Lexa and woke her up with a kiss. “Lex…”

“Mhm..what’s up?” Lexa mumbled, opening her eyes slowly. 

“I have to go back to Arkadia for a bit. My mom’s hurt and needs someone to help around the house until she’s back on her feet. I hate to leave you but I have no choice. I leave as soon as I’m done packing…I’m sorry,” Clarke said, stroking Lexa’s hair.

Lexa nodded and closed her eyes. “Don’t be. You have to go, she needs you. I’ll be fine.” Lexa sighed and sat up slowly, wincing as she did so. 

“How’s your pain today?” Clarke asked, handing Lexa her pills and a bottle of water. 

“Still the same...thanks” Lexa took her pill and watched Clarke pack her bag. 

“I’m always a facetime away. I’ll ask Anya to come over and watch over you while I’m away. I love you.” Clarke said kissing her girlfriend goodbye.

“I love you too. Come back soon…” Lexa said, kissing her passionately. 

Clarke pulled away slowly and walked back out to her Dad. She woke Anya up and asked her to keep an eye on Lexa before getting into the car with Bellamy. 

“Ready to go, Princess?” He said with a sad smile.

“As ready as I’ll ever be…” She said as she pulled away from the hotel. 

Over the next week Lexa slowly became herself again. Clarke called her every night and they spent the night talking until either of them would fall asleep. After 4 weeks Clarke returned from Arkadia. She was pleasantly surprised to be welcomed back at the

airport by Lexa. Clarke was surprised at how much weight Lexa had lost while she was gone, but didn’t mention it. 

“Babe! I missed you so much.” Clarke said grinning and hugging her girlfriend. 

“I missed you too, I haven’t been able to sleep well without you” Lexa said, not letting Clarke go right away.

“Me either. I’m glad to be home. Let’s go home, I’m exhausted.” Clarke said getting into the car. 

Clark and Lexa caught up the entire way to the hotel and shared a quick makeout session in the back of the car. The car pulled up to the hotel and Clarke got out. 

“You coming babe?” Clarke asked, when Lexa didn’t move right away. 

“I realized I forgot to pick up my birth control from the pharmacy. I should go get it before they close.” Lexa lied. “You don’t have to come. Raven has a surprise for you inside.” 

Clarke nodded “Alright, I’ll see you in a bit then.” 

Lexa walked into the pharmacy and waited in line. She fiddled with her phone while she waited. 

“Pickup for Lexa Woods.” Lexa said when it was her turn 

“You’ll need a new prescription in order for me to refill this oxycodone.” The pharmacist said.

“Are you sure? I know I switched doctors but you could call him and I’m sure he’d fix it right up. I’m sure this is a mistake.” Lexa said with a nervous smile.

“I’m sorry but it’s not. Next person please!” the pharmacist said, shaking her head. 

Lexa took a deep breath and walked outside. She fiddled with her phone and stared down at the unknown number pulled up on the screen. She debated for a moment before ducking into the back alley and texting the number. 

A few minutes later, a random man walked up to her and shook her hand. She shook back before handing him a stack of bills as he walked off, neither of them speaking a word. Lex sighed deeply and opened her hand.

She stared down at the little baggie of pills before taking two out and swallowing them. She quickly shoved the baggie into her jacket pocket and walked back to the car.

When she got home, she noticed the bands were playing Beatles Rock Band in the living room. She slipped into her and Clarke’s bedroom and hid the baggie before joining the rest of the band. Clarke smiled and patted the couch next to her. Lexa said down

and wrapped her arm around Clarke.

“Who’s winning?” Lexa asked with a grin. 

“Oh you know it’s me. Who else would it be?” Anya said with a smirk.

“I dunno, I almost beat your ass last round.” Harper said with a shrug. 

Lexa shrugged “We’ll see who truly rules. I’m up next. 

They spent the rest of the evening playing Rock Band and roasting each other. Clarke was happy that things were back to normal. After a while, Clarke and Lexa retreated back into their room. 

Clarke smirked and straddled her girlfriend. “Oh the things I’ve been waiting to do to you.” 

Lexa sighed. “Clarke...my back still hurts and I’m not in the mood tonight...sorry…” She said and Clarke got off of her quickly. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I should have asked. Let’s just cuddle and relax!” Clarke said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

“I’d like that.” Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around Clarke. They laid down and talked until Clarke fell asleep. Lexa kissed her head and turned the light off. Lexa hardly slept that night. She hardly slept most nights anymore. 

The last few weeks of their break flew by quickly and after a long restful break, the bands were ready to be back on the road. Although, Clarke was slightly worried about going back on tour. Lexa had been avoiding being intimate due to her back and as

much as it frustrated Clarke, she was more worried about how the strenuosity of a tour would further affect Lexa. The morning they were due to leave, Clarke pulled Lexa aside to affirm that she was okay.

“You’re sure that you’re okay? If you’re not, we can stop the tour right now.” Clarke asked worriedly.

“Babe, relax! If it ever gets too much, I’ll let you know. Let’s go have the time of our lives!” Lexa said with a smile. “I’ll meet you on the bus in five.” 

Clarke nodded and kissed Lexa on the cheek before heading onto the bus. Lexa did a quick look around before popping two pills into her mouth. 

The ride to their next show was pretty far. Raven was being whiny as hell about her motion sickness and Ontari threatened to throw her off the bus. 

“So you’re telling me that you can do a zero G simulator and be absolutely fine, but boats, cars, and buses make you sick? What the hell is wrong with you?” Ontari said frustrated.

“Hey I don’t make the rules, it just be like that sometimes. Someone please shoot me…” Raven said, from her bunk. 

“I will if you don’t shut up already.” Echo said with a laugh.

“Raven, just take some benadryl and go to sleep no one wants to hear you complain for the rest of the trip.” Clarke said laughing. “Has anyone seen where Lexa got too?” 

“I think she said she was going to take a nap, she hasn’t been sleeping well.” Anya said, handing Raven her benadryl. “Take this and shut up ya big baby. Or I just might break up with you.”

Clarke walked into her room and found Lexa laying on the bed. She smiled and laid down beside her. Lexa looked over at Clarke. 

“Hey babe” Lexa sighed, entwining her fingers with Clarkes and kissing her hand.

“I was thinking, since we have a free day when we arrive in Philly do you want to have a date day? I’d love to show you around a couple of my favorite spots. That is, if you’re up for it. Anya said you’re having trouble sleeping? Is everything alright?” Clarke asked. 

“Yeah everything’s fine. I just sometimes have trouble sleeping.” Lexa said with a small smile.

“Are you sure? I’m really worried about you.” Clarke said, giving her a concerned look.

“I said I’m fine Clarke! Stop asking me if I’m okay! I said I was fine! Just leave me alone!” Lexa snapped angrily. 

Clarke was taken aback. Lexa never snapped at her before. Clarke nodded before standing up and heading for the door. 

“Alright...I’ll let you sleep then…” Clarke said, fighting back tears and leaving the room. She grabbed her sketchbook and headed upstairs to the bus lounge where it was quiet. 

Clarke sketched in her sketchbook, wiping away a few tears. A few hours passed and they were close to their hotel. Clarke took a deep breath and walked back down to her room. She entered cautiously and found Lexa writing a song. Lexa looked up at

Clarke and her heart broke. Lexa could see that Clarke had been crying and it pained her to know it was because of her. 

“Clarke...I’m so sorry for snapping at you. I was exhausted and I took it out on you. I am so sorry.” Lexa said engulfing Clarke in a tight hug. 

“It’s okay...I’ll try not to pester you so much. You know me, I’m a worry wart. Did you have a nice nap?” Clarke asked with a small smile.

Lexa nodded “Are we almost there? I’d love to sightsee with you if that offer is still on the table?” She asked with a smile. 

Clarke nodded “I called our driver and he said we’d be all set once we arrive. I have this perfect spot for cheesesteaks if you're hungry.” Clarke said grinning, 

“Oh I’m totally down for a cheesesteak. And it’s going to be authentic, how awesome is that?!” Lexa said grinning. Clarke laughed and the bus parked in front of the hotel. 

Lexa and Clarke said a quick goodbye to their bandmates and crew before heading off to downtown Philadelphia. The pair ordered their cheesesteaks and headed for Clarke’s second stop on her mini tour, The Philadelphia Museum of Art.

“An art museum? Really Clarke? You know I hate museums.” Lexa said with a groan as she finished her cheesesteak. 

“We’re not going in, silly. You remember the movie Rocky?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, duh its one of the greatest boxing movies of all time.” Lexa replied.

“We’ll for someone who love’s the movie so much, you’re forgetting where it takes place…” Clarke said with a smirk.

“Oh my god, I’m a fucking idiot. These are the iconic Rocky steps! Omg, I have to run up them while you play eye of the tiger and video me.” Lexa said excitedly. 

“I’m already one step ahead of ya. There’s also a statue of him over there that we can take pictures in front of.” Clarke said grinning. 

Lexa took a deep breath as Clarke prepared the video and music. When she was ready, Lexa started running up the stairs, when she got to the top she turned around and threw her arms up to punch the air. Clarke smiled and ended the video. Clarke frowned

when she noticed Lexa sit down on the steps.

“You good?” Clarke called out to her. Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, I guess I haven’t done much exercise since the accident. Got a little dizzy. I’m good now though!” She said walking back down the steps. “Want to go take a photo with my personal hero Rocky?” Lexa said with a grin. 

The couple asked a group of guys to take their photo with the statue before heading to Love Park. A group of paparazzi caught them taking photos with the Love statue and Lexa flipped them off. 

“Get the fuck out of here! Let me and my girlfriend have a date in peace!” Lexa angrily called after them and they dispersed. 

“Lex, baby..you gotta chill with the paps. They're annoying but that might have just got us in the doghouse with my dad. Just ignore them. Let’s enjoy the rest of our evening please.” Clarke said, rubbing Lexa’s back soothingly. Lexa nodded and they headed

to Penn’s Landing to stargaze and enjoy a romantic dinner.

“Today was amazing, thanks for showing me around babe.” Lexa said smiling. 

“It was my pleasure. I love you so much Lexa. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Clarke said squeezing her hand across the table. 

“I love you too, babe. And don’t worry, I’ll always be with you.” Lexa said smiling. 

They shared a passionate kiss and spent the rest of their evening stargazing and looking at the constellations. A group of fans found them and asked for photos and autographs and they were happy to oblige. They returned to the hotel shortly after and

shared a steamy shower before curling up wrapped in each others arms and drifting off to sleep. 


	12. Gravity

“Lost again

Broken and weary

Unable to find my way

Tail in hand

Dizzy and clearly unable to

Just let this go

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown

Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun

I choose to live

I fell again

Like a baby unable to stand on my own

Tail in hand

Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go

High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown

Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun

I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live

Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun

Help me survive the bottom”

～A Perfect Circle～

The next few concerts went off without a hitch. Well, almost. The bands were getting increasingly worried about Lexa. They all began to notice the changes in her. She had snapped 

at most of them by now, and her sleeping habits were erratic. Not to mention the sneaking off 

and shady excuses.

Like always, she claimed she was fine and because the tour was in full 

swing no one questioned her too much. Though, they all swore to keep a closer eye on her. 

Including Gustus, her personal bodyguard. She was like a daughter to him and he’d be damned 

if anything bad happened to her.

They were stopped in Florida, when Gustus caught Lexa red handed. He had followed her when 

she left the group on the beach one afternoon and watched as she met up with a sketchy 

looking bald dude, who he had seen at almost every single one of their shows. Lexa turned 

around when the deal was made and was startled to see Gustus standing there.

“How long, Alexa?” Gustus said sadly. 

“Since the accident...I’m in pain Gus…” Lexa said, lips quivering.

Gustus sighed and engulfed her in a tight hug. “You’re in more than pain, I know an addict when 

I see one. I was one. Still am frankly, but I manage it now. Who else knows?” Gustus asked.

“No one...and I’d like to keep it that way. Please, Gus. No one else can know…I don’t want to 

hurt anyone. Especially Anya and Clarke” Lexa said, pulling away and looking at him stone 

faced. 

Gustus nodded “I’ll keep an eye on ya, kid. I won’t tell anyone either.” 

Lexa nodded and took three pills. “Let’s go back, they will think something is up.” 

They returned to the group and played off their absence well. After that, Gus kept an eye on 

Lexa and made sure that she was okay. After spending the rest of their free days day at the 

beach and partying at night, everyone was pretty tired and decided that a night in would do 

everyone good before their last Florida concert and interview the following day. All the girls crammed into Raven and Anya’s room to watch a movie. 

“I’m gonna head to bed. I feel a migraine coming on, I don’t want to be unwell for tomorrow's 

events.” Lexa said, getting up to leave halfway through the movie, which wasn’t exactly a lie. It 

had been a bit since she used and could feel the withdrawal beginning.

“I’ll come with ya babe, to make sure you’re alright.” Clarke said, with a concerned look in her eyes.

“No, Clarke. Enjoy the movie, Gustus will look after me. After all it’s his job, and not yours. I 

don’t need you to look after me all the damn time.” Lexa said pointedly.

“Fine Lexa, I’m sorry I’m your girlfriend and I care about you. But if you don’t need me and 

you’re going to treat me like shit when all I did was care for you then maybe we should take a 

break.” Clarke said frustratedly.

“Fine, maybe we should. Goodnight, Clarke!” Lexa said angrily and walked out of the room. 

Clarke sighed and rubbed her temples as everyone else was silent and shocked at what had 

just transpired. Lexa went into her room and sat on the edge of the bed. She took out her 

baggie and popped a handful on pills before sitting down to write a few songs. Back in Raven’s 

room, Anya, Raven and Clarke had a deep conversation. 

“Guys, I’m really worried about Lexa. I don’t know what’s up and it’s killing me that she won’t 

talk to me anymore.” Clarke said, sighing.

“I mean she’s always been reserved but this is extreme. Something’s definitely up. She won’t 

talk to me either.” Anya said, gently playing with Raven’s hair.

“Maybe we should corner her, make her tell us what’s up.” Raven suggested.

“No way, that’s a horrible idea. We’ll figure something out. Maybe she just needs a break from it 

all. We have a few more shows before our 2 week break and maybe then we can figure it all 

out. I’ll try and talk to her after the show and interview tomorrow. I think right now we should give 

her some space.” Clarke said, with a yawn. 

“I’ll check in with her tomorrow while you do your solo interview for that magazine. Goodnight, 

Clarke” Anya said, throwing the extra blanket at Clarke, who was laying on the couch. 

“Night Anya, Night Raven. Please for the love of god don’t fuck while I’m here.” Clarke said 

rolling her eyes.

“No promises there Clarkey, it’s been a while” Raven said with a smirk, turning the light off. 

Clarke groaned and covered her head with a pillow before drifting off into a restless sleep.

The next morning everyone was supposed to meet for breakfast, but Lexa and Gustus never 

came down. Gustus appeared as the rest of the band was being whisked off to hair and makeup 

and grabbed Anya, pulling her away from the group. 

“Come with me, tell no one.” Gustus said and walked up to the elevator.

“What the hell is going on Gus?” Anya asked angrily. 

“Just shut up and follow me. I need your help” Gustus said, using his keycard to enter Lexa and 

Clarke’s room. Anya’s heart nearly stopped when she saw the scene before her. 

Lexa was curled up on the ground by the bed, entangled in a sheet. It was obvious that she had 

been sick in the middle of the night. Anya walked over and knelt beside her. She relaxed slightly 

when she saw Lexa was taking shallow breaths.

“Gustus, what did she take and why? Tell me straight, don’t sugar coat it!” Anya said angrily. 

“Oxy. Has been since her surgery. Go and turn on the shower, not too hot.” Gustus said, calling 

the front desk for some new sheets and cleaning supplies. 

Anya nodded and went into the bathroom. Judging by how calm Gustus was, this was probably 

not his first rodeo. Anya did as Gustus told her and came back. Anya couldn’t help but feel guilty for not pressing her cousin more. She should have known Lexa was struggling. Lexa opened her eyes slowly and looked up at Anya.

“Hey…” Anya said, brushing Lexa’s hair out of her face.

“I’m a mess, Ahn…” Lexa said, with a sigh.

“You might be a mess, but you’re our mess. And we’re going to do everything in our power to help you through this.” Anya said, swallowing back tears.

“This is not your fault...don’t feel guilty.” Lexa said, squeezing her cousins hand weakly.

“Can you help her into the shower while I clean this place up?” Gustus said, breaking their moment. Anya nodded and lifted Lexa to her feet. 

Lexa stumbled slightly and Anya made the executive decision to carry her into the bathroom. Anya sat her down on the toilet.

“I’m going to go get you clean clothes. Do you need help getting into the shower?” Anya asked.

“Nah...thanks” Lexa said, pulling off her clothes slowly and getting into the shower. 

Anya came back shortly after and helped Lexa braid her hair post shower. Lexa sighed when she heard Gustus arguing with someone outside the bathroom. She’d recognize his voice anywhere.

“Titus..” Lexa said getting up and making her way to the door as quickly as her body would allow her to.

“Lex.. calm down. Who the fuck is Titus?” Anya said following Lexa out of the bathroom. 

“How did you find my hotel room?!” Lexa asked, anxiously.

“You didn’t show up for our deal and I was worried. You’re my best customer.” Titus said slyly. 

“Leave it on the desk, and take the money and get out!” Lexa said sitting down on the bed, obviously winded. 

Titus did as she asked and left giving her a wink. Gustus and Anya shook their heads and sighed. 

“Tell Jake to cancel the interviews. There’s no way Lexa can do them.” Anya said to Gustus. Lexa shook her head.

“Don’t. I’ll be fine. Just please get me something to eat, something sweet and maybe some water...I’ll be good as new. And don’t tell anyone. ” She said, putting her hair up in a bun and throwing on her sunglasses. “Oh and can you tell Clarke to come here after her interview, please?” Anya nodded and walked out of the room with Gustus. 

“What are we going to do, Gus?” Anya asked, crossing her arms.

“We’re gonna get her through till the break. And do our best to make sure she’s alright until we can get her help.” Gustus said with a sigh. 

Anya and Gustus strategized a game plan while they waited for Clarke to finish up her solo interviews. A few hours went by and Clarke finally finished up. 

“Hey, Ahn. How’s Lexa?” Clarke said, walking over to them.

“She’s alright. She’s hanging in your room and she wants to see you.” Anya said with a small smile. Clarke returned the smile and made her way up to their room. 

She walked into the room and it was pitch black. The curtains were closed and the lights were off.

“Lexa…?” Clarke said turning on the bedside lamp. Lexa covered her eyes to shield them from the light. “Oh Lex..” Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed and stared down at Lexa concerned. 

Lexa was curled up in a blanket and wearing Clarke’s sweatshirt, though she was dripping in sweat. “‘’Mmm...cold.” Lexa replied, shivering. 

“Lex, I’m going to get Jackson...you’re sick.” Clarke said brushing the hair out of Lexa’s eyes. Lexa shook her head and grabbed Clarke’s hand tight. 

“P-Please don’t l-leave me…get Anya and G-Gustus…” Lexa said closing her eyes, her breathing slowing.

“Hey, hey stay awake…” Clarke said, squeezing her hand and frantically calling Gustus. Lexa didn’t respond but Clarke could tell she was still breathing. She called 911 and tried to get Lexa to wake up. Gustus and Anya rushed in.

“Gus, Anya what’s happening?! Is she okay?” Clarke asked frantically. Gustus looked over her briefly and checked her pulse. Anya looked over at the envelope on the desk and it was unopened.

“Withdrawal” Gustus and Anya concluded at the same time. “Call 911, now” Gustus said, turning Lexa so she was on her side. 

“I already did. How long has she been using? How did I not know? How did I not recognize she was struggling?!” Clarke said panicking. 

“Addicts are very good at hiding their addictions, Clarke. It’s not your fault. Hand me towel, quickly” Gustus said, noticing Lexa beginning to seize. Clarke was frozen in fear. Anya handed him the towel and Clarke snapped out of it. 

The paramedics moved in quickly and got Lexa stabilized. They moved her onto the gurney and moved to the rig quickly. Clarke and Anya followed and rode with them in the back, while Gustus updated the rest of the band on what was going on. 

When they reached the hospital, Lexa was taken away and Clarke and Anya waited with bated breath in the waiting room. Finally, they were allowed back to see her. She looked pale, her skin looked grey under the dull lights of the hospital room. 

Clarke took a deep breath and pulled up a chair to the edge of her bed. She sat down and stroked Lexa’s cheek.

“Don’t worry baby, we’re going to get through this together. I promise”


	13. Breaking the Habit

“I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more than any time before

I have no options left again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused”

～Linkin Park～

Clarke barely slept that night. She sat and held Lexa’s hand, waiting for her to wake up. Anya tried to get Clarke to get food and at least go change, but she refused to leave her girlfriend's side so Anya left without her. Lexa began to stir and opened her eyes slowly.

“I’m sorry...” Lexa said, weakly.

“Stop. Don’t apologise to me. I should be apologizing to you. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t ask you. We can get through this together, I promise I won’t leave, no matter how hard it gets.” 

“M-Marry me…” Lexa said, sitting up slowly and taking off one of her rings.

“I’m sorry what…?” Clarke said, staring at Lexa in shock.

“If I can get better, marry me. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone else and if I can get better I want to marry you. So marry me. “ Lexa said squeezing Clarke’s hand and holding up the ring. Clarke sat in shock for a few minutes and started crying.

“Is that a no…?” Lexa said, raising her eyebrow and biting her lip nervously. Clarke snapped out of it. 

“Of course, I’ll marry you idiot! I almost lost you and I don’t think I would survive that. We’ll get you the help you need and then we can get married. But only once you’re better” Clarke said smiling and wiping her tears.

Lexa grinned and put her ring onto Clarke’s finger and kissed her passionately. Anya came back and grinned.

“Hey, kid. It’s good to see you awake again.” Anya said, placing the food down and going over to Lexa .

“We’re engaged!” Lexa said smiling. Anya bursted out laughing.

“Wait, you proposed to your girlfriend from a hospital bed after nearly dying. Wow cuz, your proposal game is weaaaak.” Anya said in between laughs. “In all seriousness, I’m so happy for you too. Can I take a pic to send to the group and maybe one you guys can post on our socials?” Anya asked.

Clarke and Lexa happily obliged and went ahead to post about it. Jackson came into the room shortly after. 

“Lexa, it’s good to see you awake again. We were worried. I consulted with Dr. Abigail Griffin and we have agreed that the best course of action for your treatment would be an outpatient methadone program. We’ve started you on the highest dose of liquid methadone and gradually we will lessen the dosage until you no longer need it. This will help with the withdrawal symptoms but it won’t make them go away entirely” Jackson said with a small smile. “Oh and congratulations, you too.”

Lexa nodded and squeezed Clarke’s hand. “When can I go home?” Lexa asked.

“We want to keep you for the rest of the week just to make sure that we have the dosage correct. Abby suggested you go and stay at Clarke’s house for your treatment. That way you’re away from the crazy and she can be there to administer the methadone injections.” Jackson said before leaving them to go do paperwork. 

Clarke looked at Lexa wide eyed. “I mean he’s not wrong but my mother definitely did this because she hasn’t met you yet..Oh my god she’s going to flip when she sees what we posted without telling her.” As if on cue, Clarke’s phone rang.

“Oh shit it’s your Mom” Lexa said handing her the phone. Clarke answered and braced herself.

“Clarke Abigail Griffin, how dare you get engaged and not tell me! I had to find out from Twitter! TWITTER! And I have never even met this girl yet!” Abby yelled through the phone, making Clarke jump slightly. Anya had to leave the room to hide her laughter.

“Hi Mom, nice to hear from you too. Look, I got caught up in the whole thing. I almost lost my soulmate today and then we got engaged, I’m sorry. But we’re coming home in a week and you’ll get to meet her then. Please, please, please don’t interrogate her. She has enough to deal with right now.” Clarke said.

“You’re lucky I owe you for coming back to help me. Love you, see you soon.” Abby said before hanging up. Lexa’s laugh broke Clarkes thoughts.

“She sounds LOVELY.” Lexa said laughing. “I’m only messing, I can handle her.” 

“Oh just you wait.” Clarke said with a yawn. “I might go to sleep. I’m exhausted. I can’t imagine how tired you must be. Wake me up if you need me.” Lexa nodded and shifted to Clarke could lay beside her. They drifted off to sleep.

The rest of the week went by smoothly. The rest of their bandmates came to visit and chat about their engagement. They offered their support to Lexa and soon Clarke, Jake, Lexa, and Gustus were headed to Arkadia, NY. 

“Mom, we're home!” Clarke called as the group entered the mansion. Lexa was in awe at how big the mansion was. Abby walked down the stairs and hugged her daughter tight. She gave her husband a kiss before turning to Lexa and smiling. 

“You must be Lexa. It’s a pleasure to FINALLY meet you.” Abby said, shaking her hand. “Gustus, it’s good to see you again. Anyone hungry?”

Clarke looked at Lexa, knowing her appetite had been iffy because of the withdrawal. Lexa shook her head. 

“Lexa and I ate before we left but everyone else might be hungry. We should get settled first. I’ll show you all to your rooms.” Clarke said with a small smile.

Clarke showed Gustus to his room before walking with Lexa to her bedroom. “I figured with Gus next door we could stay in my room.” Clarke said, opening the door. Lexa smiled at the room. It was very Clarke. She admired all of Clarke’s posters and childhood items. She noted that Clarke had her own bathroom. That would be helpful with the withdrawal.

“You like it?” Clarke said, wrapping her arms around Lexa and kissing her cheek.

“It’s very you. Is it weird if I take a nap? I’m exhausted.” Lexa asked.

“Not at all, my mom will understand. We can chat later. Make yourself at home. Just text me if you need me.” Clarke said kissing her and going back downstairs. 

After having a sandwich with her parents and Gustus, Clarke went upstairs to check on Lexa. She found Lexa sitting on the floor staring at her bag.

“Lexa? You okay?” Clarke said kneeling down beside her. She pointed at the orange pill bottle in her suitcase.

“I thought Gustus checked all of your stuff to make sure it was all gone?” Clarke said, rubbing Lexa’s back.

“He didn’t know about that one…” Lexa said wringing her hands.

“Do you want me to get rid of it?” Clarke asked cautiously. Lexa shook her head and picked up the bottle. 

“No… I have to get rid of it myself.” Lexa said standing up and walking into the bathroom. She opened the bottle with shaky hands before dumping the entire contents of it and flushing the pills down the toilet. 

“I’m proud of you baby” Clarke said with a proud smile. 

“If you hadn’t come up, I don’t don’t know what would have happened…” Lexa sighed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll always be here.” Clarke said hugging Lexa tight.

The girls spent the rest of the evening catching up with Abby and Jake before heading to bed early as they were exhausted from the traveling. The next morning was an interesting one. Clarke knew that one of the symptoms of withdrawal was a short temper, but seeing this side of Lexa was new to her and she was shocked. And it only worsened with each change of the methadone dosage.

Clarke asked Lexa if she wanted help getting dressed as Lexa as shaking pretty badly and Lexa had snapped at her. Clarke decided just to wait until Lexa asked for help. After breakfast, Lexa asked for a bit of alone time and Clarke agreed only if Gustus was allowed to be with her. With that settled, Clarke decided to take a walk with her dad to clear her head. 

“You’re awfully quiet kiddo, what's on your mind?” Jake asked. 

“I’m worried about Lexa. I just love her so much and to see her suffer this way is breaking my heart. Not to mention, seeing this angry side of her hurts. I know it's not her fault but I don’t like it when she yells at me, I just want to help.” Clarke said, sighing.

“Clarke, I know how you’re feeling. It's hard to watch the woman you love suffer through withdrawal. You were little, but your Mom went through the same thing. If it’s any consolation, we made it through. It was probably the hardest thing we went through, but it made us stronger. It will be okay eventually. Hang in there kiddo.” Jake said, hugging her tightly. 

“I never knew that. Maybe Mom will be able to help Lexa. I love you, Dad, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Clarke said hugging him back. Jake and Clarke headed back to the mansion.

Clarke walked upstairs and walked into her room to find Gustus standing by the bathroom door. 

“Is she okay?” Clarke asked. Gustus shrugged.

“Considering she’s not dead, yes. She’s been sick ever since you left. Refuses to drink anything or try to eat. Maybe you can convince her to.” Gustus said with a sigh.

Clarke sighed and opened the door. “Lex, I’m coming in.” Clarke’s heart broke when she saw the state her fiance was in. Lexa sat with her head resting on the toilet, soaked in sweat. “Babe, you’ll feel better if you drink some water and go lay down.”

“I’m perfectly fine sitting here with my new best friend, Clarke.” Lexa snapped back before heaving again. 

“Baby, I know you’re hurting. Maybe my mom can prescribe some anti-nausea meds to help. You’ll feel much better laying down. Gus go see if my Mom has any home with her.” Clarke said, rubbing Lexa’s back. 

“Let me rest here for a bit, please…? My head is killing me and the room is spinning. My stomach feels like a tornado is raging through it. Just let me suffer here alone.” Lexa said with a groan.

Clarke sighed and placed a gentle kiss on Lexa’s head while they waited for Abby. Gus came back alone and handed Clarke the box of pills. 

“Your Mom had to go to work but she gave me these. Told me to give Lexa one. It should dissolve in her mouth.” Gustus said. 

Lexa shook her head and threw up another round of bile. Clarke sighed and rubbed her back. Gustus left the package on the sink and left the bathroom. 

“Just try for me? This should help and then we can take a warm bath” Clarke suggested, rubbing smooth circles on Lexa’s back. Lexa gave in and took one of the tablets before leaning back and resting against Clarke.

“I feel like getting hit by the bus sucked less than this..” Lexa grumbled, closing her eyes. 

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. “At least you can joke about it...ready for that bath?” Clarke asked. Lexa nodded. Clarke turned the water on and made sure it wasn’t too warm. She threw in some bubbles and helped Lexa take her sweaty clothes off. 

Clarke helped Lexa in before stripping and joining her. Once settled, Lexa laid back up against Clarke and sighed in relaxation. 

“This is nice…” Lexa mumbled, sleepily as Clarke washed Lexa’s hair. When she was done Clarke massaged Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa drifted off to sleep. 

The girls soaked in the tub for a while and had relaxed for the first time a while. When the water got cold, Clarke woke Lexa up gently.

“Babe, the waters cold. We can get out and go to bed now.” Clarke said kissing her cheek.

“Can you get me my flannel pj bottoms and your blue hoodie please..” Lexa asked wrapping herself in a towel and sitting on the toilet. Clarke nodded and went to grab them. 

Clarke braided Lexa’s hair for her and helped her into the clothes. Lexa flopped onto the bed and motioned for Clarke to come and cuddle her.

“I know I haven’t been the nicest person to be around right now, but thank you for not leaving me…” Lexa said, holding Clarke close. Clarke rolled over to face Lexa.

“I will never leave you. I will be right here the entire time. We will get married and I don’t care if it's not for 300 years, I will wait as long as it takes for you to get better. I love you to the moon and back, Lexa Woods.” Clarke said, kissing her gently.

“I love you more than you know…” Lexa said, before drifting off to sleep. Clarke smiled and kissed her head. 

“Goodnight, my love. We’ll get there. One day at a time.” 


	14. this is me trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLA ANGST (I promise this is the last super angsty chapter. Pls don't hate me lmao)

“I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey”

～Taylor Swift～

Lexa woke up drenched in a cold sweat. She looked at her watch and sighed as it was 4 am. She got out of bed slowly, making sure not to wake Clarke before grabbing her converse and walking downstairs. Once downstairs, she put her shoes on and went for a walk in the Griffin's back garden.

She walked around aimlessly for a bit before sitting down on the bench. She really hated the insomnia and cold sweats associated with withdrawal. Honestly she just hated everything about the withdrawal.  _ I’m better off on the drugs then I am off them,  _ she thought as she skipped a rock on the pond. Her thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. 

“May I join you?” Abby said, with a warm smile. Lexa nodded and scooched over so Abby could sit.

“Why are you awake so early?” Lexa asked, trying to avoid a conversation about her addiction, the last thing she needed was someone to berate her about it.

“I’m actually still awake. I just finished my shift at the hospital. Insomnia is a real bitch. Oh and don’t get me started on the cold sweats, I’d wake up feeling like I just went swimming” Abby said with a chuckle. Lexa looked at her in shock.

“No way...you?” Lexa said, with her mouth open wide. 

“I had an non-cancerous brain tumor when Clarke was small. After surgery, the pain was incredible. The doctor prescribed opioids and given my mental state at that time, it’s not shocking that I turned to them as my vice.” Abby explained. 

“I had no idea...So..it’s possible to be okay again? Because right now, all I want to do is end my suffering” Lexa asked, her lip trembling slightly.

“It is by no means easy...but with the right support system, anything is possible. I know you want to push everyone away because you think you’re protecting them. Lexa, you can’t push everyone away. It will just make this 10 times harder than it is alright. Don’t worry, Clarke knows you're hurting. She’s strong like her father, she can handle it.” Abby said, giving Lexa’s hand a squeeze.

“W-What if I’m not s-strong enough..?” Lexa said, opening crying.

Abby hugged the brunette tight. “You may feel like you aren’t strong enough. There will be days where you think ending it all is the better alternative. And you will slip up once or twice. It will forever be a struggle. But I know, deep down, you have what it takes. Let me help you. Let us all help you and you’ll get through this.” Abby said, kissing Lexa’s head as she sobbed. 

“T-Thank you Abby...” Lexa said, nodding. Lexa made a silent vow to do whatever it took to get better. Not just for her own sake, but for Clarkes as well.

Upstairs, Clarke woke up an hour after Lexa left the bed and sat up in a panic. She threw on the lights and looked around the room. 

“Lex? Babe, where are you?!” Clarke asked frantically. When she got no response, she threw on her slippers and frantically searched the house, whispering her name. She looked in the kitchen and saw that the outdoor lights were on. She sighed in relief when she saw Abby holding a sleeping Lexa out in the garden. She walked out quietly.

“Hey…” Clarke whispered and sat down next to them. 

“Hi…” Abby said with a sad smile. 

“How is she?” Clarke asked, biting her lip.

“It’s been a rough night, but I think I’ve broken through her walls. Hopefully, she’ll let us help her now. It’s not going to be easy Clarke, for anyone...you can’t run away from this. You have to be strong, when she can’t be.” Abby said, sternly. 

“Mom, I know. You haven’t seen me much in the past year. I’ve changed a lot. I’m done running. Lexa is my soulmate and I will do anything to make sure she’s happy and healthy. She helped me when I was at my lowest, now it’s time for me to help her” Clarke said, tears streaming down her face. “I’m so scared Mom, what if I lose her?” 

“You won’t. We’re going to help her. Can you get her up to bed or do you want my help?” Abby said, kissing her daughter's head.

“I can carry her. Thank you Mom, I know we’ve had a strained relationship in the past, but I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. We’re lucky to have you.” Clarke said hugging her Mom and gently scooping Lexa up in her arms. 

Lexa opened her eyes and looked up at Clarke. “I love you, Clarke..so much. Don’t cry it’s okay..” 

“Shh, I know. I love you too. Go back to sleep.” Clarke said, kissing her cheek and laying her down on the bed. Lexa protested and Clarke laid down holding her close. “Goodnight babe, sleep well” She said, falling asleep. 

The next morning Lexa woke up feeling a little bit better. She still felt nauseous, but at least the other symptoms had subsided for the moment. She looked over at Clarke and noticed her eyes were red and puffy. Lexa mentally cursed herself, knowing that Clarke had cried herself to sleep.

Lexa placed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s lips. “Morning…”

Clarke opened her eyes slowly and smiled a little. “Morning, how are you feeling?” 

“Physically, a bit better. Mentally, not so much…” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s head. “I know you're scared. Don’t be, I’ll be okay. I hate to see you so upset.”

“Stop worrying about me...you have enough to handle. Let me worry about you. Okay?” Clarke said squeezing Lexa’s hand. Lexa nodded. “Are you feeling up to doing anything today? I think Anya, Raven and the girls are going out for Harper's birthday. My mom says it’s good to have a support system and who better than our girls?” Clarke suggested.

“That would be a nice distraction. I miss them…” Lexa said, sighing.

“I’ll let them know. Are you feeling up to breakfast? I think my mom made breakfast sandwiches.” Clarke asked, sitting up and throwing on a hoodie. 

“I should probably eat something, it’s been a while.” Lexa said, changing out of her sweat soaked clothes and into a fresh set of sweats and a hoodie.

The couple went downstairs and ate breakfast with Gustus. They chatted with him about Abby and the events of the night prior. Lexa could only finish half of her sandwich so they decided to go watch a movie until the girls arrived. 

“We’re back bitches!” Octavia said, when the crew arrived. Clarke chuckled.

“Boy am I glad to hear your voice.” Lexa said, sarcastically. Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Admit it, you missed me!” She said plopping down on the couch next to the couple. Lexa got up and hugged Anya tight.

“I missed you...and I’m sorry you can’t stay. I know how hard that is for you.” Lexa said, squeezing her a little tighter.

“Since when do you hug? And I’m doing alright, I just want you to get better.” Anya said, giving her an awkward pat on the back.

“Lexa are you sure you want to come out with us? We could just stay in” Harper asked.

“Nah, I need to get out. And besides you already decided to go to Alpha for dinner anyway.” Lexa said, finishing braiding her hair. 

“What about the press? They’ll be crazy now that they know what’s been going on.” Raven said.

“It’ll be fine, we’ll go in the back and we have the private room anyway. And if they get me, they get me.” Lexa said with a shrug. “Let’s go celebrate!”

The girls headed out to their limo and arrived at the restaurant shortly after. Sure enough, somehow the press knew they would be there. They made their way to the back and snuck into the restaurant without anyone seeing them. 

The waitress came around and took everyone’s drink orders and when she got to Lexa, Lexa fumbled for a moment before ordering a diet coke. She was tempted to order a whiskey but remembered all the meds she was on and decided against it. 

“Alright, now that we’ve canceled the rest of our tour, I have so much time to garden again. Monty and I have such a cute little garden. It’s amazing!” Harper said, sipping her wine.

“You’re such a nerd. Although, I can’t talk much I finally started reading my favorite authors new murder mystery and its phenomonal!” Emori said, laughing. 

“Let me tell you, being able to fuck somewhere other than a bus has been exhilarating. I’m pretty sure our neighbors called in a noise complaint last night.” Anya said, smirking at Raven. 

Lexa laughed genuinely for the first time in what felt like years. Clarke couldn’t contain her grin. 

“I’m glad my suffering has been beneficial for you all,” Lexa said sarcastically, with a familiar twinkle in her eye. Anya grinned while the rest of the table got quiet and everyone looked down at their appetizer plates. 

“Shit..we didn’t mean to downplay the situation…Sorry...” Harper said apologetically. 

“Oh my god, we’re assholes.” Emori said, rubbing the back of her neck.

“I didn’t think before I spoke. I’m really sorry” Harper said, giving Lexa a sad smile.

“Guys, chill. It was a joke. You’re allowed to have fun. I’m just glad to see you all. I missed you guys.” Lexa explained, feeling guilty for her joke. 

“There’s that dark humor I know so well.” Anya said, smiling. 

“Dude, I thought I had dark humor...but, hey we’re all here for you. We’re always just a facetime away!” Raven said with a small smile.

“I know. You guys are the best…” Lexa said, giving them a fake smile. “Enough of bringing the mood down, Happy Birthday, Harper!” She said, raising her glass.

Everyone laughed and toasted to Harper's birthday. The girls spent the rest of the evening reminiscing about tour shenanigans and having a good laugh. Lexa had felt like herself again for a brief moment but now she was stuck in her head. A bit later, Lexa excused herself to use the restroom. Clarke followed to make sure she was alright. Lexa splashed her face with water and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

“Babe? You alright?” Clarke asked, resting her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just peachy. Go have fun. I’ll be right out.” Lexa said, not looking Clarke in the eye.

“You’re not okay. If this is too much, we can leave if you want. Lex, talk to me...please.” Clarke pleaded.

“Clarke, I said I’m fine! Stop treating me like a child! I’m not a fucking baby!” Lexa snapped, punching the wall inches away from Clarke’s head. Clarke flinched and Lexa took a deep breath. Lexa sighed and her lip began to quiver. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t m-mean to get so angry…I-I have to g-go...” 

“Lexa wait!” Clarke called after her.

Lexa bolted out of the restaurant and hailed a cab. Clarke chased after her but it was too late. She called Gustus and frantically updated him on what happened. 

Lexa bit back tears as she told the cab driver to take her to the nearest liquor store. She needed to forget for a while. She desperately searched the alley for her dealer, but he was nowhere to be found. She walked into the liquor store and settled for the largest handle of Jack she could and plopped down on the bench outside. She sobbed as she opened the bottle and took a large swig. 

By the time Gustus found her, Lexa had made it through ¾’s of the bottle, before passing out. He sighed and nudged her with his elbow.

“Lexa…” He sighed and nudged her with his hand gently. 

“How did you find me…?” Lexa slurred, swatting his hand off her shoulder.

“The paps found you technically. I just recognized the spot. You worried the hell out of everyone, kid” Gustus said, sitting down next to her.

“I did a bad thing Gus...I broke my promise…” Lexa slurred, trying to take another swig of the Jack but spilling it instead. Gustus pried it from her grasp.

“I think you’ve had enough. Did you use?” Gustus asked, helping her into a sitting position. 

“I tried to buy some, but I couldn’t find anyone… so I bought Jack instead…I didn’t mean to do it...but you should have seen the terror in Clarke’s eyes. I almost hit her Gus… I almost hurt Clarke. I think I need to be away from her for a while. I don’t trust myself around her...I don’t want to hurt her anymore. H-Help me Gus....I don’t wanna feel like this anymore” Lexa said, her voice breaking.

“I know a place. We’ll have to go away for a while. There will be no visitors, but you’re allowed 1 phone call a day. And you can have one person with you. I’d be happy to take you. It helped me. I’m 5 years sober.” Gus explained. “Don’t worry kid, we’re going to get you the help you need.” 

“Take me there now...I will not hurt Clarke anyone.” Lexa said, wiping her eyes. 

“As you wish” Gustus said, as he called the car around.


	15. Recovery

“In my recovery

I'm a soldier at war

I have broken down walls

I defined

I designed

My recovery

In the sound of the sea

In the oceans of me

I defined

I designed

My recovery

Keep soaring

Keep song-writing

Keep soaring

Keep song-writing

My recovery, my recovery

Keep soaring

Keep song-writing

Keep soaring

Keep song-writing

My recovery”

～James Arthur～

“Clarke, you need to eat something and go to bed. You’ve been awake for 48 hours with maybe half a bagel in your system how are you not passed the fuck out by now.” Raven said, trying to hand her something to eat.

“R-Raven, I told you I can’t do anything until I know she’s okay. Has anyone heard from Gus?” Clarke asked tiredly, from her spot on the couch.

It had been two days since Lexa ran off and no one could get in contact with either of them. Jake had to leave on a business trip and Abby was busy at the hospital. So it was up to the girls to figure out what happened to Lexa and Gustus.

“It’s just so bizarre that he fell off the face of the earth while looking for her. Maybe someone kidnapped him?” Emori suggested. 

“You’ve been reading to many murder mysteries, I’m sure he’s fine and just consumed with looking for her. Maybe his phone died” Harper suggested. 

“There’s so many possibilities and the only person who knows is them. I say we let fate do its thing, I’m sure they’re fine. We have music that needs writing.” Ontari said with a shrug.

“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realize that music was more important than finding my drug addicted fiance who could potentially be dead in a ditch somewhere! Why don’t we just give up, she wasn’t important to anyone anyway. A guitarist can be replaced, right?! I thought she was your friend” Clarke said getting up in Ontari’s face. 

“Get. Out. Of. My. Face. Or so help me, I will rearrange that pretty little face of yours.” Ontari said through gritted teeth. 

Clarke slapped Ontari across the face. In return, Ontari knocked Clarke out with a single punch before Emori and Echo grabbed Ontari and dragged her out of the house. 

“Well that was one way to get her to sleep....” Raven said, as Harper and Monroe picked her up and laid her down on the couch. “That’s definitely going to leave a mark.” 

A knock at the front door startled the girls from their thoughts. Taking a deep breath and trying not to think of the worst, Raven and Anya got up and answered the door. They were surprised to see Gustus standing there. 

“May I come in?” Gustus asked, holding a box of donuts.

“You better have a damn good explanation or Clarke might just kill you. If I don’t get to you first” Anya said.

“Where is Clarke? I have something for her. And I have an explanation” He said walking into the house. 

“Echo just knocked her out cold, she’s on the couch. Tensions have been a little high. Is Lexa alright? Can you please explain yourself already.” Anya said, folding her arms.

“I will, but we have to wake Clarke first.” Gustus said, pulling smelling salts out of his pocket and walking into the living room. He broke open the package and put it under Clarke’s nose. She sat up quickly and blinked heavily. 

“Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Is Lexa alright?! Is she here?” Clarke asked, frantically.

“Lexa isn’t here, no. But we checked her into a rehab program outside of the city. She asked me to give this to you. And to tell you that as soon as she’s allowed to use her phone, you’ll be the first person she calls. It won’t be for a bit now, but she told me to tell you that she loves you all and that she needed to get away in order to recover.” Gustus said, handing Clarke her sweatshirt back. 

Clarke pulled it close to her chest and smelled it. It smelled like Lexa and she broke down into sobs.

“Lexa also asked me to tell you not to run again. She knows you want to and she asked me to make you promise you’d be here when she returns.”

All Clarke could do was nod. She wasn’t going to give up on Lexa. They would be able to get through this. The first two weeks were the hardest. Clarke threw herself into her art. Soon her entire bedroom was covered in paintings. Most of them were aspects of Lexa. Her eyes, being somewhere in every one. Raven and Octavia stayed with her to make sure she kept her promise, and even though it took everything in her not to break it, she kept it.

Clarke was sitting in the living room sketching a sketch of their first combined show when her phone rang. She picked it up and noticed it was an unknown number. She sighed and threw her phone across the room. After finishing her sketch she went and picked up her phone and saw there was a message from the unknown number. For shits and giggles, she listened to it, as she thought it was probably just a telemarketer. 

“ _ Clarke…”  _

Clarke pressed pause and inhaled sharply. She had missed it. Lexa’s first phone call. She took a shaky breath and pressed play.

“ _ Clarke...I’ve been thinking about what to say to you over and over again for the past week and a half and everytime I think I have the words, they disappear. I know you’re upset and probably pissed that I up and left. I know how you feel. But I know that what I did was necessary and I’d do it again if I had to. _

_ Gustus found me drunk off my ass on a park bench and we left almost immediately for the treatment center. He has been such a good person, and although I wish it could be you here with me, he has been the closest thing.  _

_ You’re probably curious as to why I had to wait so long to call. The program has steps and with each step, more privileges are added. I finally made it past step 1. The first thing in step 2 is to ask for forgiveness from the people we hurt. I called everyone else already, but I want to make sure I had the words before I called you.  _

_ My point is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how horrible I was to you, I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t find it in myself to get clean the first time around. I’m sorry I abandoned you. And I’m sorry I gave you a lame ass proposal. When I finish my program, the first thing I’m doing is buying you the nicest ring I can. _

_ Anyway, at some point whenever I reach step 8, I can have visitors once a week. I hope that you’ll come and visit. Until our next call, I love you and I hope to talk to you soon.”  _

Clarke wiped away her tears and called back the number. 

“Clarke..?” Lexa answered quickly. 

“Lexa...I’m sorry too. For not being the best person to help you. I hope you can forgive me. We shouldn’t have pushed you to come out with us. We should have known better...” Clarke interrupted her.

“Stop, Clarke. It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you need forgiveness for. I’m the one who has things to be forgiven for. And if you have it in you to forgive me great, if not I totally understand. And I know you were trying to help but that was not the way to do it. I don’t know what is the way to help but I will figure it out.” Lexa said.

“Of course I forgive you. I love you and all I want is for you to be on the road to recovery. If this is what’s necessary then so be it. I’ll be right here for you when you come back, I promise we’ll be better suited to help by the time you get back,” Clarke said with a sad smile.

“I can’t talk for long because I have group therapy but I’ll call you again tomorrow. I love you Clarke.” Lexa said.

“I love you too, Lex, Talk to you soon.” She said and hung up. 

Clarke and Lexa talked everyday. There were good days and bad days for both of them, but they always seemed to find something to keep fighting for. There were of course some setbacks along the way but eventually Lexa made it to step 8 of her program. And she was nervous as hell to see Clarke again. 

The night before their reunion, Lexa couldn’t sleep a wink. She laid in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She glanced over at her roommate who was mumbling some mumbo jumbo in her sleep and shook her head trying not to laugh. She sighed and thought over what she was going to say over and over until she drifted off into a restless sleep.

The next morning Clarke left her house early and stopped at Lexa’s favorite bagel shop to grab them bagels. She hid the bagels in her coat pocket. Her knee bounced anxiously as her driver pulled up to the treatment center. She stayed in the car for a few moments before taking a deep breath and walking into the lobby. 

Clarke had to go through a metal detector and sign a few papers in in order to be allowed back into the visitors room. She looked around as she walked back to the room. She noted how grim the place looked. The walls were all very plain and lacked any color. It almost felt like a prison.

Her heart melted when she walked into the room. She found Lexa right away, sitting next to a young girl at the piano, playing the love song she wrote for Clarke back when they first started dating. 

“Hey stranger…” Clarke said, grinning from ear to ear, as she walked up to the piano.

“Clarke!” Lexa said, standing up and hugging Clarke tight.

“Lexa!” Clarke said, hugging her back just as tight, silent tears falling.

“I missed you so much…” Lexa pulled out of the hug and kissed her passionately. 

Clarke kissed back and said “I missed you more.” She smiled, absorbing how much healthier Lexa looked. She looked tired, but much better than the last time they saw each other. 

“Oh shit sorry, dude. Clarke, this is my roommate Madi. Madi, this is Clarke.” Lexa said, introducing her. 

“I’ve heard so much about you! I can’t wait to get to talk to you more!” Madi said, excitedly. 

“Want to go out to the yard and sit on the benches? It’s beautiful out.” Lexa suggested.

“That sounds lovely.” Clarke said, smiling. 

The trio made their way out into the yard and found a bench by the man made waterfall. Madi talked with them for a while before excusing herself to go for her doctor's appointment. 

“She seems like a nice kid. It’s a shame what’s happened to her. I’m glad she has someone like you to look up too.” Clarke said, giving Lexa’s hand a squeeze. “And I’m glad you have her. How's the treatment going? What’s it like? If you don’t mind me asking.” Clarke asked cautiously, she really had no idea what was okay to ask and what wasn’t. 

“Well considering you’re allowed to visit me, that's a pretty good indication of how it's going, Clarke.” Lexa said with a smirk.

“It was hard at first, the withdrawal was bad. I refused to leave my room, I barely ate. I was stuck on step 1 for a long time. Then they moved me into Madi’s room after my symptoms got better with the methadone.” Lexa explained.

“She’s a great kid who has so much potential once she gets clean. We really work well together. She’s a guitar and piano player as well. I got in a few fights standing up for Madi. Got put in solitary for that, which sucked. I’m getting better, but I still stumble sometimes. I’m definitely in a better place than before.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke closer.

“I can’t imagine how challenging this has been for you. I’m so proud of you and I can’t wait to marry you. You are so much stronger than you know. We started going to a support group for the families of recovering addicts. We want the transition to go as smoothly as possible when you finish your program here.” Clarke said, giving Lexa a smile. 

“You’re amazing, did you know that. I love you so much.” Lexa teared up and hugged Clarke tight. 

“Also I may have started planning our wedding.” Clarke said with a sheepish smile. 

“Wow, you’ll have to bring the stuff next time you come. Also did you sneak in a bagel? Because I can smell it and I’m fucking hungry.” Lexa said with a laugh. 

“Shhh, yes I did, here..” Clarke pulled it out and handed it to her. 

“I missed you so much more than Clarke.” Lexa said jokingly, giving the bagel a kiss.

“You ass, I knew you loved food more than me!” Clarke said, feigning shock. 

“You know me too well” Lexa said, biting into the bagel.

Clarke and Lexa spent the rest of the visiting hours talking about their wedding plans and Clarke updated Lexa on everyone and how they were. When Clarke had to leave, Lexa gave her a hug and refused to let go for a bit.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Lexa asked, anxiously.

“Of course you will, I told you, you can’t get rid of me that easy.” Clarke said, walking back to her car. She smiled the entire way home. She was aware that huge changes were coming and for the first time in months, she felt truly happy. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy but for now things were beginning to look up.

  
  
  



	16. Home

“Well, holy moley, me oh my

You're the apple of my eye

Girl, I've never loved one like you

Man, oh man, you're my best friend

I scream it to the nothingness

There ain't nothing that I need

Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie

Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ

Ain't nothing please me more than you

Ah, home, let me come home

Home is wherever I'm with you

Ah, home, let me come home

Home is wherever I'm with you”

～Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros～

“WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!” Madi yelled excitedly as she jumped onto the bottom of Lexa’s bed. Lexa sat up laughing and rubbed her eyes.

“I’m up! I’m up! For a 16 year old, you have too much energy in the morning. I know you can’t help it, we’re going home today.” Lexa said smiling at her. 

“Do you think they’ll throw us a party?” Madi said, getting up and putting on her clothes. 

“I don’t know, but I know I promised you the band's autographs so that’ll definitely happen. I can’t wait to leave this place but honestly Madi, I’m kinda nervous.” Lexa admitted, pulling on her clothes.

“I am too, but I know that I’ll have you and Clarke. And that I’ve come a really long way. Even though it will be really weird being back in the real world and hard to control some of the urges associated with that, I think we’re ready, Lexa. And we have a great support system. It sucks that I have to go back into the system though” Madi said her smile fading slightly.

“When did you get so wise? And I know, I can’t imagine that’s going to make things easy.” Lexa said, pulling on her boots.

“I mean I have been hanging out with you for almost a year, you old fart” Madi said with a smirk. Lexa threw a pillow at her and laughed.

“You’re lucky I love you, kid. And hey, I’m only 7 years older than you. Ready to go?” Lexa said, taking a deep breath. 

“Oh I was born ready!” Madi said, heading for the door. “Don’t forget your meds!”

“Thanks, Mads.” Lexa said, reaching into her pill container and taking her meds before packing them into her bag. “Let’s go, the car’s waiting for us!” 

Lexa and Madi headed out to the car and were surprised to see Gustus driving it.

“Gus! It’s so good to see you! Why are you our driver?” Lexa asked with a grin.

“I didn’t trust anyone else to protect you both. And your usual driver is on vacation.” Gustus said smiling.

“Do you have any idea if they planned a party for us?” Madi asked, excitedly. Lexa smiled at how happy Madi was.

“I’m pretty sure there are two bands that have a super fan who would like to meet them,” Gustus said grinning.

“Oh my god it’s like a dream come true!” Madi said, squealing in excitement. 

Lexa thought about the past 10 months the entire drive home. She was ecstatic to finally be back with her friends but she couldn’t help but be a little apprehensive. Sure, she had come a long way from where she was when she entered the treatment center but all it took was one slip up to start a downward spiral and she was worried that she couldn’t handle being away from the structured environment of the center. 

She knew one thing for certain. She was going to re-propose to Clarke at dinner that night. Raven and Anya had helped her pick out a ring and plan the whole surprise. Madi hadn’t originally been part of the plan but when Lexa found out that Madi was going to be sent to a group home for troubled teens, she decided to take Madi home with her for the night and figure out if they could let Madi stay with them. It would be beneficial for both of them. When they pulled up to the mansion, Lexa laughed at how comically wide Madi’s eyes got at how big and beautiful the house was.

“Just wait until you see the inside and the back garden. It’s magical.” Lexa said getting out of the car. 

“It’s the coolest house I’ve ever seen!” Madi said grinning wide.

“I’ll get your things, go ahead and go inside. I know there are people dying to see you.” Gustus said giving Lexa a pat on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you, kid.” 

“Thanks Gus, I owe you so much.” She said, biting back tears. 

“Uh sorry to interrupt but can we go inside?” Madi asked eagerly. Lexa laughed and linked her arm with Madi’s.

“Let’s go, you knucklehead.” Lexa said, winking at Gustus and walking inside with Madi.

‘Welcome Home!” Everyone shouted, when they walked into the room. 

Lexa grinned and looked at her family. Madi stood in the doorway, open mouthed and stared at the group in front of her.

“Oh my god, this house is huge. And holy shit I’m standing in front of my favorite bands.” Madi said, grinning.

“Oh you brought a friend! What’s your name dear?” Abby asked, chuckling. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. You must think I’m so rude. Hi, I’m Madi. I’m Lexa’s roommate from the treatment center.” Madi said, sticking her hand out to shake Abby’s hand.

“Madi! It’s good to see you again. I didn't know you’d be coming, but I’m glad you did!” Clarke said grinning and hugging Lexa and Madi tight. “I missed you so much,” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s ear. 

“So Madi, I hear you’re quite the fan of our bands. After dinner how would you like to jam with us for a while?” Raven asked.

“Oh my god, it would be a dream come true. But could we eat first? I was too nervous to eat earlier and I’m starving.” Madi said with a sheepish smile.

“Of course we can! Dinner is served!” Abby said, leading everyone to the kitchen. 

Everyone sat down at the large dining room table and Gustus helped Abby serve the food. Once everyone had their helping, Jake stood up and tapped on his glass. 

“I’d like to make a toast to our beloved Lexa and of course our new friend Madi. We are incredibly proud of you both for how far you have come and we are so glad to have you home. We have made some significant changes as well and we hope to be the best support system for you going forward.” Jake said, raising his glass. “To Lexa and Madi” 

“To Lexa and Madi!” Everyone else replied. Clarke gave Lexa’s hand a proud smile and a hand squeeze. She leaned over and whispered in her ear. 

“I’m so damn proud of you, babe. I love you so much.” Clarke said as she kissed Lexa’s cheek. 

They began to eat and catch up about what happened while Lexa was away. Everyone was so happy to have Lexa back, but they also had a lot of questions for Madi.

“So Mads, can I call you that? Anyway, where are you from kiddo?” Raven asked, eating another spoonful of pasta. 

“I don't really know where I was born, I lost my parents when I was 7 and kinda roamed the streets for a bit. I got picked up by CPS a little while after that and then I ended up in and out of foster homes and treatment centers not long after. I’m actually headed to another foster home tomorrow.” Madi said with a sad smile.

“Like hell you are, kid! I don’t know how we can do it but I don’t want you going back in the system. I know what it’s like and you don’t need to suffer like that anymore.” Emori said, shaking her head. “We can do something right girls?” Emori asked, looking at both the Praimfaya girls and the Skaikru girls.

“I mean I was going to ask Clarke if we could take Madi in. I was also thinking we need another keys player, since Ontari left.” Lexa said grinning and looking at Jake and Abby for approval.

“I don’t see why not! I can talk to CPS about how you can go about becoming Madi’s legal guardians and if what Clarke tells me is true, you’ve got some serious skills kid! Welcome aboard!” Jake said, grinning. Madi burst into tears and threw her arms around Lexa and Clarke. 

“Welcome home, kid.” Lexa said, smiling. 

“Don’t worry, you’re safe now. We won’t let anything happen to you.” Clarke said smiling at Lexa.

“This is the best day ever.” Madi said, wiping her tears. 

“Who wants dessert? I made Lexa’s favorite chocolate cake!” Harper said grinning. Everyone laughed and ate dessert. After digesting for a bit, everyone went out onto the back patio to relax. Lexa smiled and grabbed Clarke’s hand. She excused them for a moment to take a short walk through the back garden

“This has been amazing. Thank you, Clarke. For everything. I couldn’t have done this without you.” Lexa said, kissing her. 

“You are so strong, Lexa. I’m so proud of you. I know this isn’t the end of this battle for you, but just know that, I’ll be fighting right by your side, for every future battle.” Clarke said, grinning. “And I know Madi will too. We’re all here for you.” 

“You all are the best. I’m sorry I sprung Madi on you like that, but she needs people who will love her and support her, and who better than us knuckleheads, right?” Lexa said heading back towards the group. 

“Of course, our friends will have her corrupted before we even get back from this walk.” Clarke said laughing. “I’m kidding, she’s in the best possible hands.” 

“I know I already asked you, but I feel like I should do it again. Clarke, I know that the last 10 months have been hell for you just like it has been for me, but we're slowly crawling our way back to solid ground. I’d be wrong if I said that being away from you has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. You’re my home. So, if I may ask again, Will you marry me?” Lexa said, getting down on one knee and pulling out a ring box.

“Of course I’ll marry you, you kept your promise so I’ll keep mine.” Clarke said, a few tears escaping. Lexa grinned and with a shaky hand put the ring on her finger.

“Now that was a waaaay better way to do it.” Raven said, giving Lexa a high five.

Clarke kissed Lexa passionately and wrapped her arms around her. Lexa laughed and spun her around.

“Today has to be the single craziest day of my life” Madi whispered to Emori.

“Just you wait kid, you’ve got a whole ‘nother thing coming.” Emori said with a laugh.

Emori insisted on taking a family photo and afterwards, the bands went down to the Griffins home studio to jam for a while.

“Alright, Madi. Are you ready to show us what you can do?” Anya asked, smirking.

“I was born ready.” Madi quipped back, earning a snicker from the rest of the bands.

Madi grinned as Lexa struck the opening chord of Praimfaya’s number one hit. It was exhilarating for Madi and Lexa to finally be back playing the instruments they loved after many months away from them.

Clarke wiped away a few tears as she watched her fiancée shine for the first time in months. Lexa was genuinely happy again, she winked at Clarke before ripping into solo. 

Madi watched in awe as her idol slayed on the guitar. When it was her turn to solo, she grinned at the rest of the band before absolutely blowing them all away. Anya and Emori were so awestruck that they forgot to come back in when her solo was over. 

“Damn, kid.I think it’s safe to say you’re definitely better than Ontari.” Anya said with a laugh.

“I can’t believe you’re only 16. You could even outplay me and I didn’t think anyone could. Hot damn kid, you’re a natural.” Raven said, grinning. 

“You're hired, kid. Welcome to the family.” Jake said, with a yawn. “I think it’s time for me to go to bed but, enjoy the rest of your night. We’ll talk tomorrow about the rest of the tour makeup dates and upcoming album release.” 

At that point in the night, the bands went their separate ways and Madi went to bed in the spare bedroom. Clarke and Lexa went upstairs to Clarke’s room and laid down on the bed.

“I’m so proud of you, Lex. You’re amazing and I love you so much.” Clarke said, snuggling closer into Lexa and yawning.

“I couldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you. I love you so much, Clarke. Never forget that.” Lexa said, kissing her head and gently playing with her hair as she fell asleep. “Goodnight, my love”

“Mmm, g’night” Clarke mumbled half asleep.

For the first time in months, Clarke and Lexa slept through the entire night without any nightmares. With things finally falling back into place, there would be a wedding to plan, a tour to finish, and of course, more drama than you could ever imagine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Classes have begun again so I haven't really had time to update! I'll try my best to update as frequently as I can!


	17. On the Road Again

“On the road again

Just can't wait to get on the road again

The life I love is making music with my friends

And I can't wait to get on the road again

On the road again

Goin' places that I've never been

Seein' things that I may never see again

And I can't wait to get on the road again

On the road again

Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway

We're the best of friends

Insisting that the world keep turning our way”

～Willie Nelson～

The night before the band was due to leave to finish their tour, Clarke asked Lexa to take Madi out for the evening. Lexa was confused but agreed to do it. Clarke wanted to sit down with the rest of the bands and reiterate the new rules for the tour. 

They had multiple meetings over the past few weeks while Lexa and Madi were out at their NA meetings. Clarke had been really pushing the rest of the bands to make sure her girls were happy and healthy for the rest of the tour. Clarke had just finished reiterating the rules for the 5th time and some of the girls were getting tired of Clarke reprimanding them.

  
  


“Clarke, if you tell us one more time, I’m going to backhand you. We know the drill. No alcohol on the bus, no coming around Madi and Lex if we’ve been heavily drinking, limit the amount we drink in their presence if we do drink. We got it.” Octavia said as she ate her pizza.

“I know I’ve been a little crazy but I want to make sure they feel comfortable and have a good rest of the tour. I’m just so nervous.” Clarke said, pacing across the living room.

“Don’t get me wrong Clarke, I am just as nervous as you are but you’ve gotta trust us, we want what’s best for them just as much as you do. We’ve got this. We can do this together!” Octavia said grinning.

“And if that shit ticket of a drug dealer tries to come back to our shows I’ll kick is fucking ass.” Raven said, cracking her knuckles.

“Don’t worry we’ve got Bellamy and Lincoln on the patrol. He won’t be able to get in.” Harper said grinning. 

The girls sat and chatted for a while before Madi and Lexa rejoined them. 

“I can’t wait to start the rest of the tour. It’s always been my dream!” Madi said, grinning. 

“You’re totally gonna rock kid!” Raven said, giving her a first bump.

“If I can be serious for a second, I’d like to thank you all for being so accommodating and kind. I wouldn’t still be clean if I didn’t have all of you by my side.” Lexa said, with a nervous smile. “I am so nervous for the rest of this but I know you’ll be there for us and we’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, dude! You’re stuck with us and we gotchu!” Octavia said. 

“We promise to do our part and make this a positive experience. After all, we love making music and in order to do that the right way we have to be there for each other.” Harper said.

“We’re a family and nothing can change that.” Emori said, hugging Lexa and Madi tight. “C’mon, group hug!”

The group hugged each other tight and ended the night in a sea of giggles. After saying goodnight to everyone, Clarke and Lexa retreated to their bedroom to finish packing and get ready for bed. Lexa stopped for a moment and laughed.

“What’s in the binder?” She asked, picking up a rather heavy binder from Clarke’s bag.

“It’s our wedding planning binder...I figured we could plan on our down time.” Clarke said, blushing slightly.

“I think you’ve got it all sorted already.” Lexa said, laughing at the sheer volume of the binder. 

“I guess I got carried away...I used it as a distraction while you were away. I put in a lot of options because I figured we could go through it together when you got home.” Clarke said, looking down. Lexa stopped laughing and immediately felt bad.

“Clarke...I’m sorry for laughing, this is perfect and I can’t wait to go through it with you. I know the past few months haven’t been easy on you and I;m so glad you stayed.” Lexa said, wrapping Clarke up in a tight hug.

“I-I was so worried I’d never see you again. I love you so much, Lexa, and I was so worried you’d leave me here alone.” Clarke said, openly crying.

“Hey..hey.. Shhh. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me for the long haul. I love you so much, Future Mrs. Woods.” Lexa said, grinning. Clarke laughed and wiped her eyes. 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m changing my name. I can’t wait to marry you.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa passionately. 

“You are my hero, Clarke. I love you so much.” Lexa said, finishing packing and laying down on the bed. “I promise I’ll do better this time.” Lexa said, drifting off to sleep.

“I know you will.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa’s head and curling up next to her to fall asleep.

The next morning was a whirlwind for everyone, especially Madi. After not sleeping well out of both nervousness and excitement, she was pretty out of it at breakfast.

“You alright there, kiddo?” Jake said, helping her lift her bag into the bottom of the bus.

“Uh yeah, I'm just a little tired. Couldn't really sleep last night.” Madi replied with a yawn.

“Yeah, me either. If you ever need to chat don’t be afraid to come to any of us. This whole touring thing can be a lot and a bit overwhelming. I remember Clarke’s first tour like it was yesterday. Poor girl made herself sick with nervousness.” Jake chuckled and patted Madi’s back. “You got this kid!” Jake said before walking away to chat with the rest of the crew.

Madi relaxed a little and walked onto the bus. Her jaw dropped in awe at how cool the tour bus was. 

“It’s cool isn’t it?” Raven said, coming on right behind her. “It never gets old. I suggest you pick a bunk before the others get here. The lower the better honestly.” 

Madi nodded and headed upstairs. She picked the first bottom bunk and threw her pillow and bag in the bunk to claim it. She took out her phone and snapped a photo. She told herself she would document this entire experience.

Meanwhile, Lexa paced around Clarkes bedroom. The thought of being back on a tour bus was making Lexa extremely anxious. After all, the bus accident is what launched her addiction in the first place. She took a shaky breath and walked out to the bus. She stood at the doors of the bus and stared for a moment.

Clarke took one look at Lexa and immediately knew what was happening. Without making a huge fuss, Clarke pulled Lexa away from the group. She squeezed her hand tightly.

“Try breathing in for 5 counts and out for 5 counts. And repeat it counting down until you get to 1” Clarke suggested, rubbing Lexa’s back. 

Lexa did as Clarke suggested and eventually grounded herself. 

“Better?” Clarke asked, giving her a gentle hug. Lexa nodded and hugged back tightly.

“Thank you...we should go now. I don’t want to keep them waiting.” Lexa replied.

“They can wait. Are you sure you’re okay?” Clarke asked.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll probably just take a nap for a while, I’m exhausted.” Lexa said, heading back towards the bus. Clarke sighed and followed her to the bus.

Lexa walked onto the bus and walked right back to the bedroom, ignoring everyone else on her way.. She sighed and flopped onto the bed, kicking her shoes off in the process. Clarke walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to make sure Madi is settled alright and then I’ll be back.” Clarke said, with a sad smile and Lexa nodded.

Clarke walked upstairs and grinned when she saw Madi sitting with Raven, Emori and Echo playing Mariokart. 

“I see you’re fitting in nicely. Not get too excited Emori is killer at Mariokart.” Clarke said, laughing.

“I’ve been doing alright so far, don't distract me!” Madi said, laughing.

“I’ll be downstairs with Lexa, feel free to come and knock on our door if you need anything! Or you could also ask one of these knuckleheads as well.” Clarke said, smiling and walking back downstairs. 

The bus pulled away from the mansion and the bands were off. Clarke walked into the bedroom and smiled slightly as she noticed Lexa had fallen asleep. Clarke crawled into bed slowly and Lexa curled up into her side. Clarke took this moment of relaxation to continue to work through her wedding planner. 

When Lexa woke up, Clarke was deep in thought scouring through her binder. Lexa smiled.

“Baby, will you show me what you’ve been working on. I can’t wait anymore to see the wonderful things you’ve got planned for our wedding already.” Lexa said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Oh hi babe, glad you're awake. I have much to discuss with you.” Clarke replied with a smile and gave her a kiss. 

“Amazing, let’s get into it.” Lexa said, grinning.

Clarke spent the rest of the bus ride updating and showing Lexa what Clarke had planned for their wedding. With a few edits here and there, the two lovebirds practically had every detail planned out. Now all they had to do was execute it. First, they had to finish out the remaining 10 shows of the tour.

When the bus arrived at the venue, the excitement began almost immediately. As did the nerves. It was evident by how quiet everyone was backstage after soundcheck that not a single person wasn’t nervous about this show. It was about showtime and Madi hadn’t come back from the bathroom after soundcheck. 

Concerned, Lexa walked out of the green room and down the hall to the bathroom to see what was up. She knocked gently on the door.

“Mads, it’s Lexa. Are you alright?” Lexa asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Madi responded by opening the door and shaking her head. It was evident that she had been crying.

“Oh Madi,” Lexa said as Madi threw her arms around Lexa and started crying again. “What’s up, bud?”

“I-I’m so nervous. I-I don’t t-think I can d-do this.” Madi said, hyperventilating slightly. Lexa squeezed her a little bit tighter.

“Hey..hey..shh. Take a deep breath in and out with me.” Lexa said, stroking a bit of hair out of Madi’s face. After a few moments, Madi calmed down and wiped her eyes. 

“I know it seems scary and overwhelming, trust me, my first show I thought I was going to puke prior to going on stage. But as soon as I stepped onto that stage and heard the roar of the crowd, it was a feeling like no other and soon all my nerves faded away.” Lexa explained.

“B-but what if I mess up?” Madi said, still not convinced she could do it.

“So you mess up. We’ve all done it. One time Octavia started playing the wrong song. We laughed it off and started over no big deal. I know you can do this Madi. I’m so proud of you.” Lexa said, hugging her tighter. Madi took a deep breath and nodded.

“Let’s fucking do this then!” Madi said, grinning.

“Atta girl!” Lexa said as they began walking back to the main group.

Bellamy had passed out cups of peach iced tea to everyone.

“Since we shouldn’t do our tequila shots, we decided to do a toast on peach iced tea.” Emori explained, as she handed them both a solo cup. Lexa couldn’t stop herself from grinning. 

“You guys are seriously the best. To new traditions, new members and to a kickass final leg of the tour!” Lexa said, raising her cup.

“Fuck Bitches, Get Money!” Madi screamed with Raven and they high fived. Clarke shook her head and laughed.

‘We’re corrupting this poor girl already.” Clarke said, sipping her tea.

“Praimfaya, roll out! You’ve got this Madi!” Jake said, giving Madi a quick hug before they got positioned on the hydraulic lift. Clarke blew Lexa and Madi a kiss before they were raised up onto the stage. 

Clarke beamed when Madi played the first notes into the show opener. She watched in awe as her friends absolutely slayed the entirety of the opening act. When they were finished, Clarke kissed Lexa passionately and gave Madi a tight hug before getting ready for the rest of the set.

The show finished without a hitch and the crowd absolutely loved every second of it. The girls did too. It was so great to be back.

Instead of their usual after party that entailed many sins and usually drama, the bands headed to their hotel and decided to have a good old fashioned pizza and pajama party. It was Madi’s idea and she thought it would be hilarious to party like middle schoolers as a world renowned music group. 

Full of pizza and full of love, the bands headed to their individual hotel rooms for the night as they had an early morning interview. Madi grinned at her pseudo parents as they got into bed.

“Today was absolutely epic. Thank you both for being the fucking coolest ever.” Madi said through a yawn, practically asleep.

“You’re abso-fucking-lutely welcome, Mads. We love you.” Lexa said grinning.

“Language ladies. Goodnight Madi.” Clarke said, chuckling as Madi was already fast asleep.

“I love you so much, Clarke. I can’t wait to marry you.” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s head.

“I love you more and I’m so fucking proud of you.” Clarke said grinning.

The Clarke drifted off into a restful sleep, blissfully unaware of the crazy shitstorm the interview would bring tomorrow. Hell was about to break loose and it was something that would completely blindside everyone, everyone except maybe Lexa.


	18. Faithfully

_ “Highway run _

_ Into the midnight sun _

_ Wheels go round and round _

_ You're on my mind _

_ Restless hearts _

_ Sleep alone tonight _

_ Sendin' all my love _

_ Along the wire _

_ They say that the road _

_ Ain't no place to start a family _

_ Right down the line _

_ It's been you and me _

_ And lovin' a music man _

_ Ain't always what it's supposed to be _

_ Oh girl you stand by me _

_ I'm forever yours, faithfully” _

_ ～Journey～ _

  
  


The next morning started off rough. After a 5 am wake up and a lackluster breakfast, it was safe to say that most of the gang was in a bad mood. The morning only got worse when the bus broke down not even halfway to their next destination leaving everyone stranded at a rest stop until the bus could be repaired.

Lexa paced anxiously, checking her watch periodically checking her phone. 

“Girl, pacing isn’t going to help this situation at all and frankly you're making me dizzy.” Echo said, mindlessly flipping through a magazine that she stole.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I’m really anxious right now and pacing is just how I’m dealing with it…” Lexa said, plopping down next to Clarke.

“Baby, did you take your meds this morning?” Clarke asked, rubbing Lexa’s back gently. 

“I’m pretty sure I did, but maybe I didn’t. That would explain why I’m feeling this way.” Lexa said. “I’ll check the bus.” 

“Want me to come with you?” Clarke asked.

“No I’m alright, thanks though...” Lexa said, taking a deep breath and heading to the bus.

Clarke sighed and followed her to the bus. She debated following her in but decided to wait outside the bus for Lexa to come back. When Lexa didn't come back for 15 minutes, Clarke got worried and went to find her. 

“Lexa babe? Are you alright” Clarke asked, opening the door to their bedroom. Her heart skipped a beat when she found the room torn apart and Lexa sitting on the floor staring at the pile of clothes and shoes.

“I can’t find them anywhere. I don’t know where they went and I need them. I think I left them at the hotel.” Lexa said, her voice shaking. 

“Okay, it’s okay. We can ask Jackson if he has any until we can figure out how to get them back. You’re okay, it’ll be okay.” Clarke said cautiously, sitting down on the floor and rubbing a soothing hand on Lexa’s back.

Lexa flinched at Clarke’s touch and Clarke sent a text to Jackson. Clarke began to clean up the room.

“Baby, why don’t we clean up until Jackson answers. It might help you take your mind off of it.” Clarke suggested. Lexa nodded and began helping to clean up.

Lexa put all of their clothes back in the suitcase and tried to zipper it up. The zipper got stuck and Lexa tried to get it unstuck. After a few attempts, she became frustrated.

“The fucking zipper!” Lexa yelled and kicked the suitcase across the small bedroom. Now, visibly angry, she kicked the suitcase a couple more times 

Clarke sighed and grabbed her hand. “Lex, shh. I can get the zipper. Let’s take a deep breath.” 

Lexa sighed, flopping onto the bed. Her emotions were all over the place and she didn’t know how to handle herself. Jackson knocked on the door and handed Clarke all that he had. It wasn't everything Lexa needed but it was better than nothing. Clarke handed Lexa the pills and her water bottle. 

“How about we take a nap, it might do us both good?” Clarke said, laying down beside Lexa and holding her close.

“Sounds good...I’m sorry” Lexa mumbled, shoving her face in Clarke’s shoulder.

“No, don’t apologize. Night baby, I love you.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa’s head. Clarke smiled when Lexa’s soft snores filled the tiny room. Clarke drifted off to sleep shortly after.

When Clarke woke up again, the bus was moving again. She smiled at Lexa who was still peacefully asleep and texted her Dad to see where they were.

**_Clarke: Hey :), how much longer until we get to Florida?_ **

**_Jake: Hi sweetheart, we're about an hour away. Is Lexa feeling better? It looked like she was having a rough morning._ **

**_Clarke: We took a nap and she’s still sleeping. I’m worried this is too much for her but she’s too stubborn to admit it._ **

**_Jake: It very well might be, but it’s really not up to us. It’s her decision. All we can do is support her._ **

**_Clarke: I know but I can’t help it. I’m worried about her._ **

**_Jake: Well, when she wakes up, tell her that if she’s not feeling up to the interview, she doesn’t have to do it. I want what's best for her._ **

**_Clarke: Thanks Dad, I’ll let you know what she decides._ **

Clarke felt much better knowing that her Dad wouldn’t be mad if Lexa didn’t feel like doing the interview. Clarke sketched in her sketchbook until Lexa stirred awake beside her.

“Hey babe...how long was I out?” Lexa said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“A few hours, we are almost to Florida. Are you feeling better? I talked to my Dad, and he said that if you didn’t want to do the interview you didn't have to.” Clarke said with a small smile.

“Nah, I’m feeling much better. And besides I love answering the fans' questions and I want to be there for Madi. I know they’ll bombard her with rude questions. I need to protect her.” Lexa said, with a small smile. Clarke wasn’t convinced. Lexa looked exhausted and she could read right through Lexa’s facade. 

“Alright, if you’re up for it. I’ll support you no matter what you decide. I love you.” Clarke said, kissing her gently.

“I love you too.” Lexa kissed her back. “I should get dressed for the interview”

After getting changed, the couple went out into the living room to find their friends watching old performances on the tv. They sat down and joined them in reminiscing. Lexa sighed and watched how happy she used to look. 

She wasn’t necessarily unhappy now, but it was almost as if everything had become too much. Lexa wiped a few tears away from her eyes and hoped no one saw. The bus arrived at the studio and the girls flowed out of the bus, waving at the lines of fans sectioned off as they walked into the studio. 

The girls got situated on their panel and awaited the interviewer to come. After a brief off mic introduction the interview began. It started off really well. The questions were all positive and mostly about the concerts and music. It wasn’t until the fan questions where things got out of a hand.

“So, Madi, I heard that your parents were drug addicts and you were basically born an addict. What was it like growing up without parents that loved you?” The man asked with a smug smirk on his face.

“That’s a deeply offensive and extremely personal question that's frankly none of your goddamn business. Security please escort this man off the premises!” Lexa shouted, shaking with anger.

“I’m sorry about that last question, but I know the last couple of months have been absolute hell for you and Madi and us fans are so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Can you elaborate on what the future looks like for you, Lexa? Madi?” A sincere fan asked politely.

“Thank you, thank all of you for your kind words. I think I can definitely say that It has been some of the worst few months of my life. But all things considered, your words and gifts have been such a blessing and I’m forever grateful. 

In the beginning, Praimfaya was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I absolutely love performing for you all but after this tour is over, I’m done. Touring is extremely difficult and it's taking many tolls on my life. I’ll definitely keep writing music but as for performing, I’m done. It’s been a fucking whirlwind and I’ve been so lucky to be able to make music with my bestfriends.

But, I think it’s time for me to quit. I know this is extremely shocking and somewhat out of the blue but it’s really not. It’s been on my mind for a while. To the fans, you’re the most supportive fans in the world and I’m sorry to disappoint you. To my bandmates, I love you guys and I can’t wait to watch you shine on stage but this is the end of the road for me. Thank you for everything.” Lexa said with a small smile, tears falling down her face.

The fans erupted in cheers of support, love and admiration. A few boos here and there and a lot of shocked faces, but nothing could compare to the looks of understanding with a hint of sadness from the bands and management. The interviewer quickly thanked Lexa and concluded the interview as management whisked the bands into the backstage area. 

“I love you so much, Lexa and I’m incredibly proud of you.” Clarke said as she hugged Lexa tight while she sobbed. 

Eventually the rest of the band joined in for a group hug and a paparazzi snuck a photo of the group. The aftermath was a frenzy and eventually everyone was back in the green room for a brief meeting. 

“We’re so proud of you Lexa and we wish you the best in whatever you chose to do” Harper said with a sad smile.

“That took some serious balls, sis, I’m proud of you.” Anya said, hugging Lexa tight.

“As much as I love this, I think it’s better for me to tap out as well. I want to go back to school.” Madi said truthfully.

“Totally kid, this life is wild. You deserve the chance to be a normal-ish teenager.” Emori said, hugging her.

“D-Don’t worry. I still want to write for you. And maybe make a few cameo’s at concerts in the future when I’m more stable.” Lexa said, smiling. “You guys are the best things that ever happened to me.” 

“Let us not forget we still have a banger of a wedding to attend/plan” Raven said, grinning. 

“Absolutely. Let’s give the fans a kickass end of tour and I wanna go out in style!” Lexa said, laughing and wiping her tears.

The rest of the tour sold out in minutes. The shows were jam packed with screaming fans, flung bras and a slew of autographed boobs. With the news of Lexa’s departure, their record sales went up as well as their merch sales. With the news out, Lexa felt much more relaxed and could give the last few shows her all. Clarke couldn’t be more proud of her fiance. Watching her finally have her groove back, even if it was only for a few shows was music to Clarke’s ears. Things were feeling right again.

With the final show behind them, the girls spent their free time preparing for the wedding of the century. Harper found out that she was pregnant not long after their final show and by the time of the wedding she would be well into her pregnancy. 

Raven and Anya got engaged a few nights before the wedding in the most epic of fashions. Raven skydived into an open field and proposed to the love or her life. The bands decided that maybe it was time to pursue other endeavors and made it official that the bands were going their separate ways. Maybe they’d come back for a reunion concert in a few years.

The morning of the wedding was calm. The months upon months of pre-planning was a good idea on Clarke’s part and things were going smoothly. They opted to have a small gathering of their closest friends instead of bachelorette parties and some of them were nursing some radical hangovers that morning.

Lexa spent the entirety of the morning practicing her vows. She was nervous as all hell that she would mess them up but was doing everything in her power to memorize as much as possible. Madi skipped around the hotel excitedly collecting the handwritten letters to the couple from their closest friends and family to put into a box for them to open after the wedding. It was her brainchild and she was extremely excited to show them it later.

Clarke spent the morning with her mom, Raven and Octavia finalizing the ceremony details and getting ready. Clarke wanted nothing more than the most non-traditional wedding she could think of, so she did it. 

The ceremony was being officiated by Gustus, who had gotten ordained online a month prior. Lexa and Clarke decided to get married in Philadelphia, as it was one of the tour spots where they had one of the greatest dates of their relationship. Also Lexa really wanted to take wedding photos with the Rocky statue and Clarke just couldn’t say no, even if she kind of hated the idea.

As a compromise, Lexa told Clarke she could choose their first dance song and Lexa wouldn’t complain about what it was. 

With the final preparations in place, it was nearing time for the festivities to begin. In separate limos, the bands and Clarkes parents made their way to the art museum. Lexa, accompanied by Anya and the rest of Praimfaya waited at the bottom of the stairs for Clarke to arrive. Lexa donned a black suit with red accessories. Emori jokingly fixed Lexa’s bowtie while looking over Lexa’s shoulder.

“Here she comes, you ready?” Anya said, teasing her cousin.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.” Lexa said, taking a deep breath and turning around. Lexa’s jaw practically dropped when she finally saw her fiance. 

“Oh my god, Clarke. You look so beautiful.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke closer to get a better look at her, grinning from ear to ear.

Instead of the traditional white wedding dress, Clarke donned a white jumpsuit accompanied by her leather jacket. Well, it was Lexa’s leather jacket that Clarke stole when they first started dating, but now it was hers.

Clarke promised herself she wouldn’t cry but failed miserably. She tried to stop, but once they started she couldn't stop.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know if we’d make it here. I-I’m so proud of you. You look amazing.” Clarke said, sniffling. 

“Oh babe, shh. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much and I can’t wait to officially call you my wife.” Lexa said, smiling wide and wiping away Clarke’s tears. 

“Let’s get this fucking show on the road, shall we?!” Raven interjected, shaking a bottle of sparkling apple juice and popping the cork. 

The wedding party took photos at the top of the art museum steps and got a few with the Rocky statue before a horse and carriage arrived to take them to the park where they would be married. With everyone in place, it was time for begin.

“ Friends, lovers, and family, we’re joined today to witness one of the truest loves and a very important moment in the lives of our dear friends Clarke and Lexa. Their love and understanding of each other has grown and multiplied, and they have been through some of the hardest experiences anyone can go through.” Gustus said with a small smile. 

“I’d like to say that despite the hardships, these two have one of the strongest loves I have ever seen. I have no doubt that this marriage will be a lasting one. Anyone who knows these two knows that literally nothing can break them. It is truly a gift being able to witness such a powerful love.” Gustus continued.

Clarke wiped a tear from her eye. Lexa smiled and squeezed her hand reassuringly. Gustus nodded at Lexa to begin her vows. Lexa pulled out the paper from her jacket pocket and took a shaky breath. 

“Clarke, I  first met you, I thought you were the literal worst. And I mean literal worst. When you yelled at me in the hotel, I was blown away. I was so pissed but I was so drawn to you. When we finally got our heads out of our asses, I was the happiest I’ve ever been. You have been there for me on my worst days and my best days.

I promise to share the good times and hard times with you side by side. I swear to live each day to the fullest and to love you as no one has before. Just as this ring I give you today is a circle without end, my love for you is eternal. Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. 

You are my better half, my soulmate and my hero. I love you and Madi immensely and I can’t wait to rock on with you forever. I, Lexa Woods, give you, Clarke Griffin, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you.” Lexa smiled and took a deep breath before grabbing the ring from Madi and placing it on Clarke’s finger. 

“Lexa, I honestly struggled to write these vows. It is so hard to put into words how much you mean to me. When I thought I’d lost you forever, I thought I’d never be happy again. I know that your struggle is never ending but I promise you I’ll be by your side, helping you through it until the day that I die.

You have been such a light in my life. With all my love, I will love you through the good and the bad, through the joy and sorrow. I will try to be understanding, and to trust in you completely. Together we will face all of life's hardships and share one another's dreams and goals. 

I promise to love you, to be your best friend, to respect and support you, to be patient with you, to work together with you to achieve our goals, to accept you unconditionally, and to share life with you throughout the years. No matter how crazy I was in the beginning you have been there to support me. 

When you pinned me to that bar and kissed me like no tomorrow, you blew me away and I knew I’d love you unconditionally.I love you more than words can say. I, Clarke Griffin, give you, Lexa Woods, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you.” Clarke smiled as she placed the ring on Lexa’s finger. 

Gustus smiled, wiped a tear out of his eye and said “By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you wife squared! You may now kiss each other!” 

Lexa grabbed Clarke and pulled her into a deep kiss. Clarke, overcome by emotion, kissed back with tears streaming down her face. Raven winked at Anya as a single tear fell down Lexa’s cheek.

Gustus chuckled at the interaction before saying "I present to you the newly married couple, Clarke and Lexa," The crowd clapped and cheered. Anya handed Raven a twenty dollar bill and Clarke laughed. Lexa and Clarke walked down the aisle hand in hand into the limo back to the hotel for the reception. . 

After everyone arrived at the reception, Clarke and Lexa danced their first dance to “Faithfully” by Journey. When it was done, Jake made his way to the center of the dance floor and grabbed a mic.

“Hello everyone! I hope everyone is having a groovy time so far. I’d like to say a few words before our father daughter dance. Clarke, watching you evolve into a fine young women has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am immensely proud of how strong, determined and intelligent you are. And I’m even prouder of you for falling in love with a partner who is equally as such. 

Lexa, you have been through so much in your life and nothing will be easy. But I want you to know that Abby and I are here for you. I think of you as another daughter. And honestly even though I’m your boss, I think of all of you girls as my own daughters. If you wouldn't mind, Clarke and I decided that we should split the father daughter dance. So, can I have this dance?” Jake asked, beaming with pride.

Lexa looked at Abby and Clarke with tears in her eyes, completely shocked by the kind gesture. She nodded and Jake took her hand as the music began to play.

_ “When you need me call my name _

_ 'Cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same _

_ If you want me come sunny skies or rain _

_ When you need me just call my name _

_ If you miss me, I'll be there _

_ To brush the sunlight from your hair _

_ I'll be there to guide you when trouble walks beside you _

_ If you need me I'll be there _

_ And when this dirty world has been cold to you _

_ I got two strong arms waitin' to hold you _

_ And when those mean days come along _

_ We'll stand together and we'll take 'em on _

_ So if you need me just call my name _

“Thank you Jake, for everything” Lexa said, wiping a tear and handing him over to Clarke to finish the dance. 

  
  


_ When you need me call my name _

_ 'Cause without you my life just isn't the same _

_ 'Cause when this world kicked me around _

_ You picked me up off the ground _

_ So if you need me I'll be there _

_ When you need me call my name _

_ 'Cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same _

_ If you want me come sunny skies or rain _

_ When you need me just call my name _

When the song ended, there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd. Including, John Murphy and Bellamy Blake, even though neither of them would ever care to admit to it. Dinner was served shortly after and then the festivities began. 

Laughter, tears, reminiscing and of course a surprise impromptu Praimfaya and Skaikru performance occurred and fun was had by all. Madi presented the box of handwritten letters to the married couple as her thank you/wedding present. 

Clarke hugged Madi tight and told her how much she loved her. Later that evening, the married couple would pull her aside to tell her they had officially adopted her.

After an exhausting day, Lexa and Clarke retreated to their hotel room to make love and enjoy the first steps of married life. 

It was clear to everyone who knew them, that even though their relationship started out complicated and turned messy halfway through, it eventually morphed into a love so deep that nothing could possibly break them.

It was clear that the once unhinged rockstar bitch who didn’t care for anyone but herself and the quiet guitar goddess from a small town were meant to meet and fall in love. Although their story wasn’t perfect, it was theirs and they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

_ The End _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading, commenting and giving me some love! I appreciate you more than you know and I hope everyone is staying. safe during the pandemic!


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